find my way back home steroline
by graceviolets
Summary: Elena chose Damon and Stefan won't leave his bed. Caroline decides to drag him with her to visit her father in Memphis. Maybe endless miles of road will mend his broken heart.
1. Chapter 1

"You need to get out of bed" she whispered into the darkness.

Stefan didn't stir. He lay perfectly still, but she knew that he wasn't sleeping.

"I'm fine" he said.

She took one step inside and sat down on the foot of his bed. The room was stuffy, she longed for the sun.

"Stefan, I'm serious" she said.

He didn't answer. She shrugged, got up and turned the lights on. The room was suddenly full of light, Stefan twitched uncomfortably.

"It's two pm" Caroline said, opening the blinds.

"Go away" Stefan muttered, but he looked up at her.

"You need to get up" she said. "Come on, I'll buy you breakfast."

He shook his head. She sighed.

"Let's hunt then" she suggested. "You'll becoming weaker everyday you don't eat."

She pulled the comforter off him. He was only wearing a pair of boxers, she quickly looked away.

"Fine" he groaned.

Caroline beamed.

"Great. I'm in the mood for rabbit."

…

The forest was gorgeous. Caroline closed her eyes and felt the sun on her face. Stefan followed her, mumbling under his breath about being tired.

"You don't have to take care of me" he said when she handed him a bunny.

"Of course I do" she smiled.

"I'm being a baby."

"No, you're not. It's normal to feel like dying when your girlfriend decides to date your brother."

"Wow, Care, not into sugar-coding are you?"

She punched his shoulder.

"Nope."

This is the first time he had been outside for nearly two weeks. The first time since Elena told him that she loved him, but she loved Damon more. Or something like that. Caroline hadn't been there for that conversation.

"I should stay" she said. "And take care of you."

"No, Caroline. You're going to see your dad. Don't let me ruin your life."

She smiled.

"You're not ruining my life. You're my friend."

He shrugged as if those two things were the same.

"I'll be fine" he promised.

"Too bad I don't believe you."

She sat down on the grass. It was June and summer was upon them. Her father, who she hadn't spoken to in five years, had called and asked her to come to visit him. A part of her wanted her scream of happiness. But another part wanted to decline his offer, because you aren't supposed to ignore your only daughter for five years.

"You can come with me" she suggested, smiling.

He shook his head.

"No."

"Why not? It'll be fun! We can road trip down to Memphis."

"Care, you are going to visit your dad."

"My dad's gay, Stefan. He'll love you!"

"Do you even have a car?" he asked.

"No, but you do."

…

Stefan's car was nice and shiny. It had a big stereo and leather seats and AC. Caroline smiled.

"This is so much better than the bus" she sighed happily.

Stefan snorted and started the engine. A thrill went through Caroline. They were going. She and Stefan were driving down to Memphis together. To see her dad. There were so many things to be excited about.

"According to the GPS, it will take fifteen hours to drive" Stefan said.

"Turn that off" Caroline groaned. "It ruins it. You're not supposed to have GPS on road trips."

"Why not?"

"Because you don't. Jesus. Have you ever seen a road trip movie? I'll read a map and we'll follow signs."

Stefan shook his head but smiled. He turned the GPS off and put the radio on. He backed out of the driveway.

"We have to establish some rules" she said.

"Rules?" he echoed, his eyes on the road as they exited Mystic Falls.

"Yes. Rule number 1, when I talk too much and you get sick of it, tell me to shut up. It's okay. I know I can get annoying."

"Jesus, Care…"

"Rule number 2, we both have to agree on the music. I can't stand moody rock songs."

"Like this one?" Stefan asked.

"Yep."

Caroline switched stations. This one was playing some new pop hit.

"No" Stefan said.

"Fine."

She switched again and found a country station. Stefan didn't object.

"Rule number three" she continued. "We won't talk about exes. So you don't bring up Tyler or Matt. And I won't bring up that girl that we don't talk about."

Stefan's face contorted for half a second in pain, then he smiled.

"Are that all the rules or are there more?" he asked, pinching her arm.

"That's it for now" she said, pinching him back.

"Hey" he called out. "Don't distract the driver."

She scrunched up her face and leaned back against the seat. This was good. He needed to get out of that house. She was being a good friend.

…

"I have to warn you about my dad" Caroline said.

"Why?" Stefan asked.

"He's very gay."

"You told me."

She sighed deeply. He didn't get it.

"My dad was a repressed gay for thirty five years and he's trying to make up for that now."

"How?"

"What I gathered from googling him is that he has five accounts on different dating sites stating that he '_loves sweaty bodies on soft sheets'_."

She scrunched up her face in disgust. She had had a min or shock when she had seen a picture of her dad on one of dating sites. He had lost twenty pounds, grown an ugly beard and only seemed to wear clothes by Lacoste. It was a very different man from the one who had married her mother.

"Oh" Stefan said, looking unsure what else to say. "When was the last time you saw him?"

"When I was thirteen, gangly and pimply."

Stefan laughed. Caroline bit her lip. She could joke about it, but it was true. Her dad hadn't seen her since she had become, in lack of a better word, a woman.

"He used to have a boyfriend, the man he left my mom for, Stephen. But apparently, they broke up" Caroline continued.

"Apparently."

She shook her head and exhaled. She was more nervous about meeting her dad than she dared to admit to herself.

"It'll be fine, Care" Stefan said softly.

"Yeah" she said. "I guess it will."

She cranked up the volume of a silly country song she recognized. It would be okay. Her dad loved her. He had too. It was in her blood. In their blood.

"Hey, Care" Stefan began.

She turned to look at him. He kept his eyes on the road.

"Thanks for dragging me along."

She smiled.

"Sure."

They passed the border just then. Virginia lay behind them, the road at their feet.


	2. oh daddy, you make me cry

Bonnie called as they were eating burgers outside Knoxville, Tennessee. It wasn't like they needed to eat or anything, but Caroline had watched a lot of road trip movies and they always ate junk food on their trips. She wanted a real road trip, an epic movie road trip. And in epic movie road trips, they ate junk food.

"Where are you?" Bonnie asked, her voice sharp as nails.

Caroline sighed. Stefan could probably hear Bonnie's voice out of the phone, even if he pretended that he didn't.

"Knoxville."

"Is Stefan with you?"

"Yes."

"What are you doing, Caroline?"

"I'm going to visit my dad."

"I know, but why did you bring _him _with you?"

Caroline got up from the sticky table, pointed to the phone to show Stefan why she was leaving and went to the ladies room.

"He couldn't just stay there, Bonnie. He was wasting away."

Bonnie huffed.

"Elena's pissed."

"Why?"

"Why do you think? She's jealous."

Caroline snorted.

"She has to get over herself. She was the one who dumped him."

"Doesn't mean she still loves him."

Caroline snorted again. This conversation was absurd.

"I'll call you in couple of days, Bonnie."

She hung up. Caroline had decided to not pick sides in this fight. She loved Elena, she loved Stefan and she sort ofliked Damon. Bonnie though, Bonnie had chosen a side. And it wasn't Stefan's.

…

"Is everything okay?" Stefan asked.

She sat down and stole one of his fries.

"Yeah" she lied.

"Liar."

She stuck her tongue out.

"Don't listen to private conversation!"

He shrugged, looking amused.

"I wasn't, but you look mad."

"I'm not" she said. "I'm just hungry. How about we get some blood in us before we get to dad's?"

He nodded.

"Sounds like plan."

Stefan left some notes on the table.

"I'll pay next time" she promised.

"Don't worry about it."

As they got up to leave, Caroline realized that people were staring at them. No, correction, at Stefan. The girls were smiling and blinking their eyes. The guys looked stern as if Stefan was stealing the girls' attention on purpose. He, of course, noticed nothing. She couldn't tell if he was oblivious to it all or just used to it. Or maybe both.

…

Caroline didn't usually drink animal blood, despite Stefan's attempts. It wasn't that she didn't like it, it just wasn't enough. It was like drinking decaf coffee when you were tired and cranky. Animal blood wasn't disgusting; it just didn't do anything for her. Therefore, she had packed some blood bags in the trunk of Stefan's car, but if she decided to stay longer than those lasted, she would have to make other arrangements. Robbing a hospital of blood was a job she usually left for Damon. Maybe she would have to get used to rabbits and squirrels.

"Thank God for tinted windows" Caroline giggled as she sucked blood out of the plastic bag.

Stefan sat beside her, one hand on the steering wheel, one hand holding a small, adorable bunny. If anyone would have been able to see them, they would have thought that Caroline and Stefan looked like… Like vampires. She smiled to herself.

"How's that B+ tasting?" he asked.

"Delicious."

Stefan never made a mess while hunting. Caroline could make a mess out of anything. At this moment, she had three blood stains on her white blouse. But Stefan, he was spotless. Maybe it took practice or maybe he was just careful. She watched his strong fingers holding the gray bunny tightly. His fangs dug into the veins of its dead body. The sight should have made her queasy, but it didn't. Everything Stefan did looked graceful.

"How's that cute, little bunny?" she asked.

He smirked at her.

"Fine."

"My dad used to make rabbit pâté on his birthdays. If you're nice, he might make you some."

Stefan smiled, opened the window and threw the drained rabbit out of the window. It looked like it had been hit by a car. Nothing suspicious.

"Did you tell your dad I was coming?" he asked.

"I said that I was bringing a friend."

"And he was okay with that?" Stefan asked.

"Look, he might not be the greatest dad ever, but he's not evil. He said it would be nice to meet one of my friends."

Stefan nodded, his brow furrowed. He looked worried, but then again, when didn't Stefan look worried?

"You shouldn't worry" she told him. "I should, though. The first thing he will ask which college I'm applying to, and I have no idea."

The sky was turning pink. Night was coming. They wouldn't be in Memphis before midnight. Caroline leaned back against the seat and played with the blood bag. She flicked the tip back and forth while singing along the radio.

"Care, for the love of God, please stop that" Stefan groaned. "I have problems with blood, remember? You don't squirt booze at an alcoholic."

"Woops, sorry."

She threw it into the backseat. She heard Stefan moan.

"Leather seats, Care."

"Well, I can't throw it onto the road. It will look weird."

Stefan sighed and pinched her arm, at the exact same place that he had before. It was lucky that she didn't feel that kind of pain.

"Let's hope that no cop stops us" he said. "We'll look like a pair of murderers on the run."

Weren't they, though? He had killed people, a lot of people, Caroline knew that. And she had slipped up too. They were murders. And at least Stefan was on the run. Not from the law, but from hurt.

"Slow down then" she sighed playfully. "We don't want to get pulled over for speeding."

…

Caroline fell asleep somewhere outside the small town Cookeville. She had giggled at the name and mentioned cookies and fallen asleep. Stefan stole a look at her. She looked like kid, sleeping the car, blood stains on her shirt. It was better when she was awake, he thought. She distracted him. Now, he had nothing to do but to think about Elena. And Damon. How much it hurt that both of them had chosen each other – and not Stefan. They had both known that if Elena chose Damon, Stefan wouldn't be able to stay. That things would have to change. But still, they had gone through with it. Not caring about who got hurt in the process.

He wasn't going back. He hadn't told Caroline yet. He would stay with her dad for a few days and then tell her. She would understand, he couldn't go back. She could take the bus home, he knew that she wouldn't hold it against him. Caroline knew heartbreak and hurt too. The plan was to drive to Dallas. Stefan had friends there. Well, actually that wasn't true. Lexie had had friends there. He would stay there until everything would stop hurting so bad.

"Stop worrying" Caroline mumbled sleepily.

She was looking at him, at his brooding forehead and clenched jaw.

"I can't. It's in my DNA" he smiled.

She leaned in and patted his cheek. She smelled like sleep, her eyes were half-closed.

"That's what I love about you" she whispered.

"That I worry too much?" he asked.

She nodded.

"Among other things."

Then she curled up in her seat and went back to sleep. Stefan waited until he was sure she was out before he turned on the GPS. It was just easier that way. One less thing to worry about.

…

"Caroline" he said, shaking her. "We're almost there."

Caroline groaned. She loved sleeping in cars. She always slept best on worn leather with the radio on, while her mother patrolled Mystic Falls in her squad car. She didn't know why.

"For how long did I sleep?" she asked.

Stefan smiled.

"A few hours."

She groaned.

"I'm a bad road trip buddy."

She stretched her limbs and accidentally kicked that map she had dropped when falling asleep. She picked it up and held it between her index finger and thumb.

"How did you find the way?" she asked suspiciously.

Stefan's eyes flickered away from hers, onto the road.

"I read the signs" he lied.

She hit him in the head with the map.

"Liar!" she exclaimed.

He tried to duck from another map attack.

"It's true!"

She punched his arm hard, before realizing that he only drank animal blood and therefore felt pain. But then again, he deserved it.

"I told you" she said. "No GPS on road trips! It ruins it!"

"Well" he retaliated by grabbing the map and smacking her face with it. "You aren't supposed to sleep during the entire ride either."

She scrunched up her nose.

"Sorry" she said.

"Me too."

She laughed and turned up the radio. It was playing some Taylor Swift song and since Stefan didn't complain, she sang along loudly.

"How long before we get there?" she asked.

"If I was using the GPS, it would tell you" Stefan said. "But I turned it off before waking you."

She rolled her eyes.

"I'll settle for 'soon'."

…

Lukas "Luke" Forbes greeted them in the door way of his giant house. It was two am in the morning, but he didn't seem sleepy or tired.

"Care-bear" he purred in Caroline's ear until she giggled.

"Hi daddy."

She kissed his cheek. He smelled differently, no more cigarette smoke and sweat. Now it was cologne and something else, maybe happiness.

"Daddy, this is Stefan" she said.

She saw her dad's eyes expand in shock and pleasure. Stefan looked dazzling in the porch light. He wore a pair of black slacks and a white shirt. Not a wrinkle on either. Despite driving for fifteen hours, he didn't look crumpled or sweaty. He just looked perfect.

"Nice to meet you, sir" Stefan said politely. "I'm Stefan Salvatore."

Caroline smiled. She realized that she felt pride. Pride because Stefan was so gorgeous and well-mannered. Pride because she knew he would make a good impression on her dad.

"Salvatore, eh? Italian?" her dad asked, shaking Stefan's hand.

"My family is" Stefan replied.

"Well, then I'll make my famous lasagna for you tomorrow" Luke Forbes said, smiling. "It's legendary."

"Thank you, sir."

"Dad, Stefan isn't Italian. He probably hasn't even been to Italy."

He probably had. Caroline didn't know. She hadn't ever thought to ask him.

"It's in his blood" her father said, still holding Stefan's hand.

Caroline gave up.

"I'm sleepy" she said.

"Oh, right. Let's get to bed" her dad said, finally letting go of Stefan. "I'll show to your rooms."

Somewhere in Caroline's naïve and stupid mind, she had hoped that her dad would have a room for _her_. A room he had decorated in pink (because pink had been her favorite color the last time they met), with pictures of horses in it (thirteen year old Caroline had loved horses) and a soft rug. A room that Luke had made for her, because he was her father. But no. There was no room like that. She and Stefan were given identical guest rooms. Both white and spotless and looked like something out of an interior design magazine. She tried not to be disappointed.

"Good night" she whispered to Stefan.

"Night" he replied.

She wondered if he had brought a pair of pajamas or if he always slept in his underwear, like he had the other day. She pushed those thoughts away. It didn't matter.

"Sorry about my dad" she whispered.

He shrugged.

"He's fine, Care."

She nodded.

"Have you ever been to Italy?" she asked.

He looked confused for a second and then smiled.

"Yeah, twice."

"Did you like it?"

He nodded.

"Yeah, a lot."

She nodded too.

"Good night."

…

When Caroline woke up, she heard her dad talking downstairs. His voice was loud enough to carry, even if you weren't a vampire with extraordinary hearing. She groaned and got up. She could tell that it was hot outside, she felt sweaty even though vampires didn't sweat. All you had to do was drive 900 miles south and you had a tropical climate.

"Hey" she said, entering the kitchen.

Luke and Stefan sat at the table, eating scrambled eggs, bacon and toast.

"Morning, pumpkin" her dad said.

Stefan just smiled at her. He was eating the eggs with a speed that could be mistaken for hunger. Caroline knew it was hurry to be done with it. Human food was kind of disgusting.

"Stefan and I was just talking about me showing you two the city" her dad said, egg all over his chin.

"Great" Caroline said, feeling cranky.

She sat down next to Stefan and poured herself a cup of coffee. She had to get some blood. Had Stefan already been hunting? She met his eyes and he winked at her.

"How about I go and brush my teeth" her dad said. "Then, we'll be off!"

Caroline didn't remind him that she hadn't eaten breakfast yet. She didn't need to eat, but it would have been nice if her dad had cared about her enough to offer her some.

"Caroline hasn't had time to eat yet" Stefan said, winking again.

She rolled her eyes at him. He was trying to make her eat eggs.

"Oh, I didn't think you ate breakfast, honey" her dad said.

"Why not?"

"You know, girls, when they try to lose weight…"

He tried to catch Stefan's eye to get support, but Stefan looked away. Caroline felt her pulse quicken.

"Lose weight?" she echoed. "You thought I was trying to lose weight?"

Her dad shuffled uncomfortably.

"Take an egg" he said. "They're great!"

Caroline snorted.

"No thanks."

…

The tour of Memphis consisted of Caroline's dad driving them around in his huge car. Caroline had a head ache; she hadn't eaten since yesterday afternoon. It was sweltering hot outside and her dad apparently didn't want to waste gas on air conditioning.

"And here is my favorite place" her dad, pointing at a bowling alley.

Caroline tried not to roll her eyes. Some things, apparently, hadn't changed. Even if Luke Forbes was now gay and tried to grow a beard, he still loved bowling.

"You like bowling?" Stefan asked, politely.

"Yes, well, sure. But it's in the bowling allies that you meet the best men" her dad replied, winking.

Caroline exhaled loudly.

"Oh" Stefan said.

"What happened to Stephen?" Caroline asked.

Her dad shrugged.

"Actually, being with him was a lot like being with your mom, Care-bear. A lot of _talk _and not enough sex."

She shuddered, feeling sorry that she had asked.

"I mean, you're only young once, right, Stefan?"

Stefan nodded uncomfortably.

"Yeah."

"Let's change the subject" Caroline begged.

"Come on, Caroline. We're all grown-ups here" her dad said, thinking he was funny. "Talking about that, how old are you, Stefan?"

Caroline tilted her head, wondering if Stefan would say seventeen. Obviously, he_ was_ seventeen, but being younger than Caroline would make their friendship appear a bit weird.

"Twenty-one" he replied.

Luke nodded, accepting it without a second thought. Stefan looked older than he was. Or no, that wasn't true. Stefan didn't look like he was a hundred and fifty-something.

"Then we can go out to bar some time, eh?"

Caroline hid her face in her hands.

"Yeah" Stefan said again, sounding even more uncomfortable.

"How about lunch?" Caroline asked, desperate to end this conversation.

"Actually" he dad said. "I have to get back to the office. How about I drop you off at my favorite place? Lunch on me?"

Caroline nodded.

"Sounds great" she said without any enthusiasm.

…

Without any blood bags (shit, had she left the one she had drunk last on the backseat of Stefan's car?), they had to hunt. Finding a forest in Memphis was as hard as finding a huge shopping mall in Mystic Falls. They asked around for a few minutes before getting directions to huge park. Caroline was so hungry that she didn't care if her rabbit had fumes on it.

The park was big and calm. They set out separately to hunt, hiding from people and seeking shelter behind big trees. Caroline found some sort of rodent in a tree, snatched and dug her fangs into its fur. God, she was hungry. Caroline Forbes didn't do hunger that well. She didn't have the power to act like the good daughter when she was hungry. She emptied the rodent, threw it away and went on to catch another one. She needed at least one more bunny before she was full.

She saw Stefan standing in a clearing, draining a little squirrel of blood. His posture was upright, his head high. His back muscles were bulging under his t-shirt. He was in hunting-mood, focused on that, not on being human or anything else. She loved to watch him while he hunted. It was like watching another Stefan, a happy and wild Stefan. She decided to sneak up on him and carefully, trying not to make a noise, made her way closer. He was spying for something else to eat. She took her chance, leaped from the hedges and attacked him. He was stiff under her grip, scared, ready for attack.

"Got you" she squealed.

His body relaxed for a second before wrestling her to the ground. He was older than her and a guy, which meant, when she had eaten only animal blood in the last 24 hours, they were equal in strength. He locked her hands over her head, placing his body over hers.

"Don't sneak up on me" he growled.

She could see how he could be frightening and maybe she would have been scared too, if it wasn't for his eyes. His eyes were twinkling, smiling. You could always tell how Stefan was feeling from his eyes.

"Pay better attention then" she sneered, pushing him off her and climbing on top of him.

His face was mere inches from hers. His perfect face. That sharp jaw and full lips and those green eyes. Caroline forgot what she was doing, looking at his face, breathing in the air he breathed out. Stefan took advantage of her lack of concentration and got the upper hand again.

"You want to admit defeat?" he asked, smirking.

She stuck her tongue out.

"Never."

They stared into his face, trying to look menacing and strong.

"Oh, I've always loved his place" they heard a voice say.

"Me too" another voice agreed.

Out of the trees came two old ladies, wearing sun hats and large blouses. They both stopped at the sight of Stefan and Caroline.

"Oh dear" one of them said, quietly.

Stefan got off Caroline and pulled her to her feet.

"You don't do that in public" the other lady said.

Caroline couldn't help herself from smiling. This was the south, alright. Please don't look like you're making out in parks.

"I apologize" Stefan said. "My girlfriend just can't keep herself off me."

Caroline stomped hard on his foot. The ladies scurried away, looking appalled.


	3. go your own way

(sorry about the delay. i'm on holiday and posting this from a hotel lobby in Italy)

"Your dad's nice" Stefan says politely.

Caroline snorted. The y had run back to the house and were now sitting on the porch. Caroline had a blood bag in her hands, nothing ever tasted as good as some B+ in the sun.

"He sort of asked you out" she said, shaking her head.

Stefan smiled. She quickly looked away from his face. She was shocked by her own reaction in the clearing. His face had made her lose focus completely. She wouldn't have remembered her name if he had asked her.

"I had this illusion of what this visit should be" she said. "That my dad would pick me off the ground and spin me around. That he would apologize for being absent and have a good explanation for never calling. That he would be proud of me, for once."

She stopped, realizing that she sounded bitter. She stole a glance at him, he was watching her, his head tilted to one side.

"Remember when I was an even more neurotic than I am now?" she asked.

"Maybe."  
>She could tell he was smiling, even if she didn't dare look at him again.<p>

"I remember how I became that way" she sighed. "I had forgotten how my dad really is."

"He's very different from your mom" Stefan commented.

"Yeah" she exhaled. "Very. But still, they make me feel the same way."

"At least your mom tries" Stefan said.

Caroline nodded.

"I've always tormented myself that I chose to live with the wrong parent, but maybe I didn't."

"Were you given a choice?"

She thought back to that morning when she was thirteen. When her dad had stood in the doorway, holding two bags, Stephen holding two. Caroline had cried hysterically. Her mother had been at work. She remembered her dad kissing her forehead and then leaving. She remembered standing on the porch, looking after him.

"No" she replied. "I guess I wasn't."

She threw the empty blood bag into the trash and went back to the porch. The sun was bright and if she hadn't been a vampire, she might have gotten a tan.

"You heard anymore news from home?" he asked.

Translation; have you heard anything about Elena?

She shook her head.

"No."

He nodded. She couldn't tell if he would have wanted her to have heard something or not. When she didn't dare to really look at him, it was hard to tell what he was thinking.

…

"So, this guy Stefan, is he your boyfriend?" her dad asked, winking.

For one second, Caroline wanted to say yes. _Yes, Stefan is my boyfriend_. Because she knew that it would make her dad proud of her. It would have proven to him that she wasn't as boring as her mother.

"No" she replied.

"No?" her dad repeated, sounding disappointed.

"No, he used to be Elena's boyfriend."

Her dad seemed to try to remember who Elena was, apparently he didn't succeed.

"The black girl?" he asked. "You're prettier than her, Care-Bear."

"No, the brown-haired girl, with the big eyes."

Her dad nodded.

"Oh yeah, the Gilbert-girl."

Caroline nodded. Her dad didn't tell her that she was prettier than Elena, which she wasn't, but it would have been nice to be told so anyway.

"They broke up?" her dad.

Caroline nodded. She wouldn't talk about this, Stefan was just outside the door. He could easily overhear this conversation.

"He's very, very handsome" her dad commented.

Caroline nodded again.

"You haven't got a boyfriend?" he asked.

She shook her head.

"Nope."

"What about that blonde boy you always liked?"

"Matt. Elena's ex."

"Another one of hers?"

She nodded.

"We broke up" she said shortly.

"So you did date him?"

"Yes."

Her dad looked a bit more pleased.

"Well, college boys are probably the better bet anyway" he said, grinning.

Here it came.

"I don't know where to apply, dad" she said before he could ask.

He pursed his lips. At that moment, Stefan came inside. He had left his t-shirt outside and his pale chest shone in the dimly lit kitchen. Caroline quickly looked away, but she had a feeling that her dad hadn't.

"You need some help with dinner?" Stefan asked.

"You can make a salad" Caroline said.

"Care-bear, guests don't make dinner!"

She snorted quietly. So she wasn't a guest?

"I don't mind" Stefan promised and opened the fridge.

"Stefan, we were just speaking of college. Where did you go?" her dad asked as Stefan took out tomatoes and lettuce.

"Harvard."

Her dad whistled low. Caroline had known that Stefan had gone to Harvard, Elena had told her, but she had never asked him about it.

"What did you major in?" her dad asked.

"Psychology."

Caroline caught Stefan's eye and smiled. He smiled back. As if he would ever had major in anything else.

"I would love for Caroline to go to an ivy-league" he dad continued. "But you know, I don't think you'll get in, right, Care?"

Caroline didn't answer. She focused on cutting the meat without slicing her dad's throat.

"I'm sure she'll get in, if she wanted to go" Stefan said, softly. "Caroline has excellent grades and she's does a lot for the school. I'm sure she'll get recommendations from several teachers."

"She organizes _dances_" her dad said, laughing as if that itself was funny.

"Harvard liked students who get involved" Stefan replied.

Caroline wondered if she had heard coldness in his voice below the politeness.

"Well, we'll just have to see" her dad said, sounding put off.

He went outside to light the grill, slamming the door behind him.

"Thanks" Caroline said, turning to Stefan.

He was cutting onions quickly and with great precision. The muscles in his wrist flexed.

"Parents shouldn't speak that way about their kids" he replied.

She laid a hand on his shoulder to show her thanks, something she often did with everyone. But she hadn't thought about him being shirtless and having smooth and cool skin. She snatched her fingers away as if she had burned herself.

"I'll bring the meat out" she murmured.

…

Lukas Forbes hadn't been kidding about that drink. After dinner, he had insisted that Stefan would join him at the local bar. Caroline could do the washing up. Stefan didn't know how to get out of it without being rude, so he went.

"Caroline tells me that you two are just friends" Luke said.

Stefan had compelled the bartender to give him a drink without carding him, but his compulsion didn't always last. He was anxious to get home.

"Yeah, she's one of my best friends."

Actually, she might be his only one.

"I imagine a guy like you must have a lot of _friends_" Lukas said, winking.

Stefan smiled politely.

"Not really."

He sipped his scotch and let his gaze wander around the bar. A girl, maybe 25 or older, was staring at him. He quickly looked away.

"I haven't seen Caroline since she was kid" Luke said. "She sure has grown up."

"Kids tend to do that" Stefan said.

"True. How long have you known her?"

"A year, a little more, I guess."

"And you really think she could get into an ivy?"

Stefan shrugged.

"I think Caroline could do whatever she wanted."

He actually meant that, and not that she could compell someone is admissions. Caroline was a force of nature. Saying no to her was almost impossible. However, her father seemed to have no problem with it.

"Sometimes I think that I should have raised her myself" he said, finishing his second beer. "Her mother was never much of a student."

"Then why didn't you?"

Ordinarily, Stefan wouldn't have been so blunt but he felt a growing dislike against this man.

"It was complicated."

Stefan nodded, keeping his tongue in check.

"I feel tired" he said instead.

They rode home in silence.

…

When they arrived at the house, Stefan went to his room. He opened the door and found Caroline sitting on his bed.

"Hey" he said.

She looked up.

"How was the date?"

Stefan went inside and shut the door behind him.

"What are you doing?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Looking for your phone. It's been ringing like crazy."

Stefan opened his bag and took the phone out. He had ten missed calls from Damon.

"How much clothes did you bring?" Caroline asked sounding amused, rummaging in his suitcase. "You know, this is 2011, Stefan. We have washing machines now."

He laughed and put the phone back in the bag.

"Seriously, though" she said.

"What?"

She watched him carefully for almost a minute. He felt like a kid who had been caught with a hand in the cookie jar.

"You're not coming home with me" she said.

"No."

"Where are you going?"

"Lexi had friends in Dallas."

She nodded. She didn't look mad or even surprised.

"I should have told you, Care. I just didn't know when."

She ruffled his hair as if he really was a little kid.

"You don't want to go home" she whispered. "I get that."

He nodded.

"Who are these friends?"she asked.

He shrugged.

"I only met them once, but I'm sure they'll take me in."

"You'll drive down?"

He nodded again. He wished he could tell what she was thinking.

"Do you want to go alone?" she asked.

He didn't know.

"They're expecting you at home" he said.

"Who?" she asked, smiling sadly. "My mother who doesn't speak to me because I'm a vampire? My two ex-boyfriends? My best friend who dumped you for your brother?" she asked.

He flinched slightly.

"Sorry" she apologized.

He waved it off.

"I don't know" he said, answering her first question.

"Think about it" she said. "And don't say yes just because you want to be nice."

He nodded.

"Okay."

…

Caroline woke early the next morning from the sound of her phone ringing. She answered while still clamping her eyes shut. It was Elena. Caroline felt like hanging up again.

"You woke me" she whined.

"I need to talk to you" Elena said.

Caroline could picture her sitting on the bed in Damon's room, while he showered, twisting her hair around her finger.

"Well, talk away" Caroline muttered.

"Where are you?"

"With my dad, in Memphis. Elena, you know this."

She heard Elena breathe heavily on the other end. She sounded angry and nervous.

"Why is Stefan with you?" she asked.

Caroline could hear the jealousy dripping off every word.

"He needed to get out of Mystic Falls" she answered, sitting up in her bed.

The alarm clock told her it was 6:30 AM. Jesus. Caroline lay back down on the sheets.

"What are you two doing?"

Caroline rolled her eyes.

"Why do you even care?" she asked.

"Because I love him."

"Just not enough" Caroline remarked, her tone venomous.

Elena didn't reply to that, just breathed heavily on the other end. Caroline felt the urge to hung up the phone again. She didn't want to talk to Elena. She didn't want anything to do with her.

"You can't have him" Elena whispered so quietly that Caroline probably wouldn't have heard her if she wasn't a vampire.

Caroline closed her eyes again. She felt tired now, no longer sleepy.

"Elena, you're acting like Katherine" she said.

Elena seemed to wince.

"Why would you say that?" she asked.

"You can't have them both, Elena" Caroline sighed. "It's not fair to either."

"I thought you were my friend" Elena said, her voice hurt now.

Caroline bit her lip. She has promised herself not pick sides, but it was impossible not to.

"I am" she said.

Then she hung up, because she couldn't bear anymore. She felt angry, but no longer tired. She sighed, got out of bed and went down to drink some blood before her dad woke up.

…

Stefan came downstairs before her dad did. He wore jeans, she had never seen him in jeans before. They had the perfect worn look, but she doubted that they were bought that way. Time had given them that look.

"Morning" she said, brightly, hoping he hadn't overheard her conversation with his ex.

He nodded at her and poured himself a cup of coffee. His hair was tousled and his eyes still heavy with sleep. She wanted to hug him. How could anyone ever want to hurt him?

"I want you to come" he said quietly. "If you want to."

She smiled.

"I want to."

He sat down next to her at the table, his fingers around the cup to warm his fingers up.

"When do you want to leave?" she asked.

"Whenever you feel ready."

"Now" she said. "I'm done now."

He looked up at her, his face soft.

"He's your dad, Care."

"I know, but I can't stand him."

Stefan didn't argue with her. Maybe he couldn't stand Lukas Forbes either. It wouldn't surprise her.

"I just wanted him to be proud of me" she said.

"I know."

"That's why I started doing all those things like arranging dances. Because it would make him think I was fun. That's why I study so hard even though I'm not brainy, because it would make him think I was smart" she whispered.

Stefan laid his hand on top of hers. The coffee had warmed his skin.

"To my father, I'm too much like my mother. To low-class and dumb and simply without a goal. To ordinary, to boring" she began again. "And to my mother, I'm too much like my father. Too superficial and perky and full of myself."

She bit her lip. Stefan watched her with his head tilted to his side. His eyes were sympathetic.

"I can never win" she whispered, feeling tears in her eyes.

She didn't want to cry. No.

"I'm so sorry, Care" he said softly.

They both sat up straight as Lukas came into the kitchen. He wore only a short robe, but Caroline was too upset to be embarrassed.

"Hello kids!" he said smiling broadly.

"Hi" Caroline said, clearing her throat. "Dad, we're leaving."

"What?" he asked, looking clueless.

"We're leaving" she said again.

"But why?" he asked, rolling his eyes at Stefan. "Caroline, you're being irrational."

That did it. She swallowed hard, looked into her father's eyes. She concentrated on his irises and even though she hadn't done this that many times, she knew she could do it.

"Dad, for five minutes, I want you to be proud of me" she said, very clearly.

His pupils expanded and then shrunk. She smiled at him. The compulsion had worked.

"Just so you know, Care-bear" her father said. "I'm so, so proud of you."

"Thanks" she said, kissing his cheek.

…

"You think I shouldn't have done it" she assumed.

They were on the road again. The radio was playing country and the air was cool inside the car.

"You probably shouldn't have" he agreed.

"I just wanted to hear him say it" she said. "And it wasn't like I changed him forever. He was only proud of me for five minutes. Then he told me that I should join a gym."

"Did he say that?"

She nodded and Stefan laughed. She leaned back against the soft seat and exhaled. It felt like she had been holding her breath for the entire time they had been at her dad's.

"I probably would have done the same thing" Stefan said after a few minutes.

"No" she said. "You wouldn't."

"Maybe not."

They shared a smile and they left Memphis.

"Are we headed straight to Dallas?" she asked.

He shrugged.

"Haven't really thought about it. Why?"

"How about we do a proper road trip?" she asked, feeling the excitement build inside her. "We'll drive through the South, stop in small towns and sleep at B&B's. I have to be back at school in a month, so we'll get to Dallas in maybe, three weeks? I'll take a bus back from there."

She watched his face carefully. She wasn't going to force him into spending another month with her.

"Sure" he said, smiling. "You might have to teach me how to road trip, though. I mean, I guess the GPS is still out of the question?"

She smiled back.

"Yes" she said firmly. "And we need more rules."

"Alright."

"New rule, if you need to be alone for a day or want me to go home, tell me. I'm not some kid that you have be nice to. I can handle it" she said.

Stefan nodded.

"Okay."

He was probably just humoring her. Stefan would never be rude enough to ask her to leave.

"New rule number two, every day we have to speak to new people. We can have dinner with them or just speak to them in the queue to something."

"Why?" he asked, sounding amused.

She shrugged.

"It's nice to meet new people."

He laughed.

"Anymore rules?" he asked.

"Yes" she said. "We'll make a list of things that we need to do during this trip."

"More than meeting new people?"

"Yes."

"Like what?"

She ducked down and picked up her wallet from her bag. In it, she found a receipt that she started scribbling on.

"What are you writing?" Stefan asked, angling his face to peer over her shoulder.

"Keep your eyes on the road" she said.

She kept writing until she didn't have any more ideas. Then she read it out to him.

"Number 1, get hammered" she read. "Number 2, crash a wedding. Three, sing karaoke. Four, go speed dating. Five, check out at least three colleges that I can apply to."

Stefan shook his head at her, still smiling.

"We'll add more things as we go along" she said.

He snatched the receipt from her hand and tried to read her scrawl.

"Our first stop?" he asked.

"Let's head for Nashville" she suggested. "We can check out Vanderbilt."

"Nashville isn't really a small town" Stefan commented

"Nashville is the only exception. After N-town, we'll only visit small towns."

"Until Dallas" Stefan said.

Caroline nodded.

"Until Dallas."

…

They got gas outside Memphis. Caroline volunteered to pay. Stefan protested, but she went in anyway. At the counter, she bought three bags of candy (even if she wouldn't enjoy it as much as blood, it was still a part of experience), the Fleetwood Mack album "Rumors" and paid for the gas. Back in the car, she popped in the CD and picked track number five, "Go your own way".

"This will be the soundtrack to our journey" she said.

"No more radio?" he asked, sounding doubtful.

"Nope" she said.

"We'll hate this CD by tomorrow."

She shook her head at him, as if just didn't get it.

"This is the best record ever made" she told him. "And of course we'll hate it soon, but then we'll love it again."

He shrugged.

"I have so much to learn" he sighed.

She nodded.

"Yes, you really do."

She smiled and listen to the song. It was one of her favorites.

_Loving you, isn't the right thing to do. How can I change things that I feel? _

Caroline had loved Fleetwood Mac as long as she could remember. But she hadn't reacted to that phrase before now. It scared her. As the song ended, her phone rang. She picked up without looking at the caller ID.

"Elena's upset" Bonnie said.

Caroline sighed deeply. She had to learn to check who it was that called.

"Okay."

She stole a gaze at Stefan. He probably wouldn't eavesdrop on what Bonnie was saying as he had to focus to do that, but he heard what Caroline said. She had to watch her words.

"Okay? _Okay?_" Bonnie echoed, sounding angry.

"What do you want me to do about it?" Caroline asked.

"You called her Katherine."

"Yeah."

"That's out of line, Caroline."

"Is it?"

"She didn't choose to love them both."

"Neither did Katherine" Caroline bit back.

Stefan looked at her with interest. Damn. Mentioning Katherine hadn't been that smart.

"She's not Katherine" Bonnie said, emphasizing every word.

"I know."

Bonnie sighed as if Caroline was being a disobedient child.

"Can't you just come back?" Bonnie asked exasperated.

"No."

"Why not?"

"Why should we?" Caroline asked back.

"Caroline, don't be difficult."

Caroline snorted.

"I'm not being difficult, Bonnie."

Bonnie didn't answer. Caroline could hear her angry breaths in the other end.

"She'll never forgive you" Bonnie finally said.

"For what?"

"She'll never forgive you if you fall in love with him."

Caroline hung up.


	4. don't stop thinking about tomorrow

They didn't make it to Nashville that day. The traffic was terrible due to some accident. Instead they exited the highway and entered Kidsville, population: 2023 people. The town had a small motel, probably built for just these kinds of situations. In the lobby, Caroline spotted at least three other people who had given up the traffic jam for some beer at the local bar. The receptionist eyed Stefan and Caroline carefully.

"You have to be 21 to stay here without a guardian" she snapped.

Caroline sighed. She wanted to shower. She hadn't been able to shake off the fights she'd had with Bonnie and Elena. Stefan knew something was up.

"I'm 25" she said firmly. "And Stefan's 27."

The receptionists' pupils expanded and then shrunk.

"Room 125" she said, smiling broadly.

"I think we need a discount too" Caroline said.

"25 % off."

Caroline nodded, took the key and left the lobby. A family behind her looked confused and their gazes followed her as she left.

"Care, you have to be careful" Stefan mumbled as they climbed the stairs.

"I know."

She stopped outside room 125 and tried to unlock the door. Her hands trembled and the lock wouldn't budge. She was close to just breaking it and walking in, when Stefan took the key from her.

"Breathe" he said calmingly.

They stepped inside the small room. It only had one bed, a double, Caroline had forgotten to ask for singles.

"Breathe" Stefan repeated as she slammed the door shut behind them.

She didn't answer, just stepped into the bathroom and showered for 20 minutes.

"What's up?" Stefan asked.

He lay on the bed, watching CNN and looking dashing. Caroline had wrapped herself in one of the white hotel towels. She sat down on the foot of the bed and watched the headlines on the news. Someone in the senate had died.

"Nothing" she lied.

"I know Bonnie upset you."

"It's not a big deal."

She picked up her brush from her bag and started untangling the mess that was her hair. Stefan moved up behind her and took the brush from her. He began to slowly comb through her blonde mane. She closed her eyes.

"You can tell me" he said.

"No, I can't."

"Care, I'm not stupid. I realize that they are probably giving you a hard time because you're here with me."

_They. _Had he heard her speak to Elena this morning?

"They treat me like a stupid kid" Caroline sighed.

His fingers in her hair soothed her. When the hair was untangled, he braided it. She wondered silently where he had learnt that. It didn't matter. It calmed her and made the anger disappear.

"How about we get a beer?" Stefan asked.

His voice was as soft as his fingers. He gave her shoulders a rub. She closed her eyes and breathed slowly through her nose.

"Okay" she agreed.

But she didn't get up. Neither did he. He kept rubbing her shoulders, massaging the stress out of her system.

"You're a good friend, Care" he said.

She nodded. She hoped that she was at least.

"And you're _not_ a stupid kid" he continued.

She shrugged under his hands. He squeezed her aching muscles one last time, got up and pulled her to her feet.

"How 'bout that beer?"

She nodded.

The bar was called _The flying bird_ and located in the town square. Tonight, it was packed with both villagers and travelers. Stefan ordered a beer, Caroline a glass of red wine. Neither got carded as they paid and sat down at a cramped table in the corner.

"I have some questions about the rules" Stefan said.

Caroline smiled.

"Yes, grasshopper?"

"Can I mix two of activities in one?" he asked.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, can I be hammered when I sing karaoke?"

Caroline laughed.

"No, not hammered. You have to remember it."

"Crap."

He sighed dramatically. Caroline smiled at him. He had cheered her up. 20 minutes ago, she had been ready to kill Bonnie, now, after a shower, a braid, a backrub and a glass of wine, she felt good again.

"How about money?" Stefan asked.

"Money?"

"Do we have budget for this trip?"

She raised her eyebrows. A part of her wanted to say that budgets weren't a part of road trips, but then she remembered Britney Spears making one in _Crossroads. _

"No" she sighed. "Do we need one?"

Stefan shrugged.

"How much money do you have?" he asked

"Some" she replied.

"And how much of that is supposed to go to your college education?" Stefan asked, raising one eyebrow.

"Some" she repeated.

"Harvard is expensive" he commented.

"I don't really want to go to Harvard."

"I know, I'm just saying."

She nodded. She got his point.

"How much money do you have?" she asked.

"Some" he replied and winked at her.

"You've had 145 years to collect a fortune."

"Yep" he agreed.

"I say, we live on cheap hotels and drink cheap beer and when my funds run low, I'll go home."

He nodded.

"Okay."

She watched his face and found his features reassuring.

"You cheered me up" she said.

"You're easy to cheer up, Care. You're a happy, positive person."

"Thanks."

"And tomorrow, we drive to Nashville?" he asked.

She nodded.

…

Vanderbilt was huge and Nashville was hot. Very hot. Like 118 degrees. Vampires didn't sweat, but Stefan felt like lying down on the ground and staying there for several hours. He had often thought of himself (and other vampires) as lizards. They were coldblooded and needed a heat source to get warm, just like vampires did. When a lizard was hot, they lay perfectly still and concentrated on breathing. And that was exactly what Stefan wanted to do.

"I can't live here" Caroline exhaled, fanning herself with a brochure of the school. "It's too hot."

"It's probably not like this all the time" Stefan said. "I read in the news paper that most of Virginia has temperatures near this today as well."

She shrugged. It was too hot to speak much.

"Let's get out of here" she said.

They left the dorms and walked out into the sunshine. God, it was even hotter here. They walked down the street, almost alone. Citizens of Nashville had the sense to stay inside today. They had parked the car a few blocks down, in the shade of an oak.

"Let's get to the car and turn the AC up" he said.

Caroline nodded and they started to walk faster. They could have been at the car in the matter of seconds if they had used their vampire speed, but some lady might be watching from her window so they tried to appear normal.

"Oh, goodie" Caroline suddenly said.

She had stopped. Stefan turned around to see why. Caroline had picked up a hose from the driveway of a pretty house. The hose had been watering a clump of bushes.

"Care…" he began to say, about to tell her to put it back.

But then she pointed the hose at him and cold water shot at him. It was heaven and hell at the same time. Because vampires weren't like humans, Stefan's skin was hot, very, very hot. Like a stone that has been laying the sun for hours. The water almost hissed as it hit him. The effect was that it almost hurt.

"Oh god" he exclaimed.

After a few seconds, it felt wonderful. God. He felt his white t-shirt get plastered to his chest and his jeans getting drenched. He swept the hair out of his face and then went to attack. Caroline was stronger them him, thanks to the human blood, but the hose was slippery and he got it from her hands without much trouble. She screamed and tried to get away from him. He got a hand around her waist, held the hose over her head and felt her withering in his arms. She wore a short sundress that rode up her thighs, he let her go so that she could pull it down. She turned to him and smiled. He smiled back. Her hair lay flat on her head, no longer blonde, but dark, almost black. Her eyelashes dripped of water. She looked happy.

"Excuse me" a voice said.

They both froze on the spot. A man, maybe 60 years old, stood on the driveway, looking upset.

"That's my hose" he said.

Crap. Stefan didn't know what to say. Thankfully, Caroline wasn't as tongue-tied.

"I'm so sorry" she said, smiling politely. "It's just so hot today."

"I know" the man said tersely. "That's why I'm watering my roses."

"Oh" Caroline said.

Her smiled faltered a fraction.

"Bill, who are you talking to?" a second voice called out.

Behind the man, Bill, a woman came walking. She wore a too short dress and carried a hand-fan.

"Some kids" Bill sneered.

The woman looked Caroline and Stefan up and down. She took in the wet clothes and plastered hair and nervous smiles.

"I'm sorry" Caroline said. "We were just walking to the car, but it's so hot. I just couldn't resist."

The woman returned Caroline's smile. Stefan understood her. It was hard not to.

"But of course" the woman said, nodding. "I understand."

"Julie" Bill said. "Don't."

But Julie did.

"Do you two want some lemonade?" she asked.

Caroline smile brightened.

"Sure."

Stefan shook his head in disbelief. They had been close to being yelled at by a man, but ended up with lemonade at a southern porch. Caroline had social gifts he himself only could dream of.

…

Julie and Bill Carlson were 62 years old, both retired accountants. They spoke with a southern drawl so thick that Stefan sometimes had a hard time understanding them. Julie poured them lemonade and served it to them on the porch, which was equipped with five huge fans. The air was cool and fresh. Stefan leaned back in his chair, pulled off his wet shirt and relaxed. Julie quickly pulled off her dress and exposing a brown belly and purple bikini. She exhaled loudly in pleasure.

"I have to brown up a bit" she told Caroline.

Caroline nodded in agreement. She also pulled off her dress, showing off her pale skin, a white bra and white panties. Stefan quickly looked away.

"You need some sun, dear" Julie said.

"I'm just pale by nature" Caroline said, shrugging.

Or by vampirism, Stefan thought.

"So, what are you kids doing in Nashville? You don't live here, do you?" Julie asked.

Bill came out on the porch, spotted Caroline half-naked and left.

"No" Caroline said hesitantly.

She met Stefan's gaze. He shrugged. She could tell the truth if she wanted, he didn't care.

"We're looking for our mom" she said.

"Your mom?"

Stefan frowned. What?

"Yes. Well, Stefan and I grew up with our dad in Virginia. He died last year and now we're trying to track our mom down. Our dad always told us that she lived in Nashville."

"You two are siblings?"

Caroline nodded.

"Yes."

Well, Stefan thought, there were siblings who looked less alike then him and Caroline. They were both blondish, both tall, both athletically built, both pale.

"I thought…" Julie began, but didn't finish her sentence.

"What's your mom's name?" Bill asked from the doorway.

Caroline turned to him.

"Shannon Johnson" she told him. "She's born in 1960."

He tilted his head to the side, appearing to think it over.

"No, I don't know her" he replied. "Have you tried to find an address?"

Caroline nodded, looking solemn.

"We found nothing."

"She might have remarried" Julie suggested. "Maybe she's called something else now."

Stefan watched Caroline with admiration and confusion. She was an amazing actress. He almost bought what she said.

"Stefan, you're awfully quiet" Julie said softly. "Are you alright?"

Stefan, in contrast to Caroline, wasn't a very good liar. This was a bit strange since he had spent most of his life lying about who he was. But no, Stefan wasn't a good liar. Not at all.

"He's just a bit sensitive about our mom" Caroline explained, taking his hand. "He's three years older than me, mom left when he was seven. He knew her much better than I did."

Wasn't this a bit too much? Julie and Bill hung on to every word that left Caroline's mouth. Their eyes were huge. It wasn't really nice to lie like this.

"Why did she leave?" Julie breathed.

"It's kind of intense" Caroline said. "Stefan, why don't you tell what happened? You remember it much better than I do."

He glared at her. She smirked.

"Well…" he began slowly. "I don't remember that much."

"Oh, tell us, Stefan. It might help you in the search" Julie begged.

"Yes, tell them the story" Caroline urged him.

He made a mental note to kill Caroline.

"I was seven when she left" he said. "I was asleep when I heard dad and mom fight."

"And they _never _fought" Caroline interjected.

"Never" Stefan repeated absentminded. "But that night, they did."

He stopped and watched his audience. Julie stared at him with her mouth open. Bill had come on the porch, looking serious. Maybe this wasn't mean. Maybe this was actually adding flavor to this couples life. Two siblings, arriving on their door step, telling them an interesting story.

"What did they fight about?" Julie whispered.

"Me" Stefan invented. "Mom told my father that I wasn't his child, that I was the result of an affair she had had with another man."

He met Caroline's eyes again. She looked impressed.

"Wow" Julie breathed.

"And she told him that she was taking me with her and running away with this man, my biological father."

"And leaving me" Caroline said, looking hurt.

"What did your dad say?" Bill asked, his arms crossed.

"That even if I wasn't his by blood, I was his by love. He told her that she could leave if she wanted, but that he wouldn't let me go."

"And she left?" Julie asked.

"She left" Caroline confirmed.

"Then why do you want to find her?" Bill asked.

"She's our mother" Stefan said. "Our father passed away. She's all we have left."

Julie got up from her seat and kissed both Caroline's and Stefan's foreheads.

"We're going to help you" she said. "Where are you staying?"

"Some motel, I guess" Caroline said, shrugging. "We haven't found one yet."

"Oh no" Julie said, shaking her head."You will stay with us. You can stay in the twin's room. I'll show you."

She went inside. Caroline and Stefan exchanged a look, then got up and followed her. Stefan realized that Caroline was still holding his hand. Apparently she also realized it, because she quickly let go. Even though it was 118 degrees outside, his hand suddenly felt cold.

…

The twin's room was a painted orange, with two single beds, a pink wardrobe and a few posters on the walls of _The Police_. The twins, whoever they had been, probably hadn't lived here for 40 years.

"Liar" Stefan hissed in Caroline's ear.

She snorted at him, shoving him onto his bed.

"You're one to talk."

"You gave me no other option but to lie" he protested.

Caroline rolled her eyes at him. Actually, she hadn't planned on lying, but she had felt that Julie wished that they had some exciting background. It had just been a feeling. And it had been fun making up a different identity.

"Julie will start an investigation" Stefan said accusingly.

She smirked.

"At least we got free accommodations!" she smiled.

He just shook his head at her and picked up a dry shirt from his bag. He put it on and Caroline exhaled. Shirtless Stefan was one of her favorite Stefan's. She liked looking at him. It wasn't in some pervy, horny way. She just appreciated his beauty. All those lean muscles that flexed when he moved. Nothing else.

"Who's Shannon Johnson?" Stefan asked.

Caroline felt dazed.

"What?" she asked.

Stefan had put on a v-necked t-shirt. T-shirt-wearing Stefan wasn't that bad either.

"Our mom" he reminded her. "I guess you just didn't make the name up?"

She shook her head.

"She was my kindergarten teacher."

"Must have made quite an impression on you" Stefan remarked.

"Oh yes. I loved her. I stalked her at school, followed her every step, drew her hundreds of pictures of us two. I even started to imagine that she was my mom, you know when I was little my mom always worked, just as she does now, and she was never home. Ms Jones, though, she was the perfect mother to me, I thought. I even started to sign my name as Caroline Johnson."

Stefan raised an eyebrow.

"Wow" he said.

"Yeah. I had issues."

"What did your mom say when she found out?"

"She didn't" Caroline shrugged. "She never looked at my school work. Shannon realized though, but she was sweet about it."

"What happened to her?"

"To Sharon? She got pregnant and quit to take care of the kid. I was so jealous I refused to eat."

Stefan ruffled her hair. It was still damp in places.

"You had issues" he said kindly.

"I know" she smiled.

…

Julie and Bill were nice. They made dinner and served it with some horrible red wine. Caroline felt at ease. It wasn't as hot anymore, maybe around 90 degrees. The sky was turning black, the stars were coming out. Who cared if Bonnie and Elena were idiots? Caroline wasn't doing anything wrong. Except maybe lying about who she was to the Julie and Bill.

"Vanderbilt is an amazing school" Julie said.

They were discussing colleges. Caroline felt a bit tipsy and tried to not talk too much. Instead she leaned her head against Stefan's shoulder and closed her eyes.

"We visited it today" Stefan said.

"It was hot" Caroline murmured.

His shoulder was hard under her head. All those muscles did have a backside.

"Our twins went there" Bill said. "One of scholarship."

Caroline felt bad for the one who hadn't gotten one.

"It was perfect" Julie agreed. "They could live with us, just a few blocks from the school itself!"

"That sounds wonderful" Caroline whispered.

She was feeling sleepy. She had slept badly last night not being used to sharing a bed with a boy. It wasn't like she was some innocent virgin, but sleeping and having sex were to different things. Stefan had gotten into bed while she was in the bathroom. The room had been dark when she had come out. He had said goodnight and then apparently fallen asleep. But Caroline hadn't. She had been aware of him to sleep.

"You tired, Care?" he whispered.

She nodded. He put his arm around her. Her head fell more comfortably onto his neck. He smelled nice.

"And drunk" he said so quietly that only she could hear.

She made some noncommittal sound and opened her eyes again.

"Let's get you to bed then" he said, getting up.

Her head slumped down from him and she grunted.

"This must have been an emotional day for you" Julie said sympathetically.

"Very" Caroline agreed.

Stefan bent down and lifted her off her feet. He carried her upstairs.

"You're nice" she whispered.

"I know" he whispered back as he pulled the blanket over her.

"And you smell nice" she continued.

"Thanks."

"Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Care."

He bent down and kissed her forehead.


	5. for you, there'll be no more crying

Forrest City, Arkansas became their next stop. It had about 15 000 inhabitants and was, just like Nashville, hot as hell. Julie and Bill had waved them off the same morning. Stefan had the feeling that they would mourn the loss of Caroline, they had loved her. They desperately wanted her to get into Vanderbilt so that they could adopt her. People just loved Caroline. They couldn't help it.

"What's up today?" Stefan asked.

He picked up his phone. It had been buzzing all day. Damon kept calling. Stefan kept ignoring him because he knew that if he would pick up, he would forgive Damon. Because he loved him. Because he was his brother. But he wasn't ready to forgive yet.

"Well, it's 11 PM, to technically it's night" Caroline commented.

She kept fidgeting with her phone too. Maybe Elena was calling her. Stefan closed his eyes. No, he wasn't going to think about her. At all.

"You wanna sleep?" he asked.

"No, I slept in the car. Let's sing karaoke!"

"Oh no."

"Oh yes!"

"Caroline" he groaned. "I can't sing!"

"Come on" she said, punching his shoulder. "You're Stefan Salvatore! You can do anything!"

"No" he said, punching her back. "I can't."

She rolled her eyes and zipped open her bag. She held up a pretty, red dress and held it up to herself. Then she but it back.

"Let's go now" she said smiling.

Stefan shook his head.

"This is small town, Care. There probably isn't even a karaoke bar here."

She rolled his eyes at him and went down the stairs. In the reception in the shabby hotel sat a bored man.

"Excuse me" Caroline said sweetly. "Is there a karaoke bar in this town?"

The man surveyed her closely.

"Yeah, just down the street."

"Great!"

Stefan groaned.

"My friend here is so eager to sing" Caroline told the receptionist, pointing at Stefan.

…

The karaoke bar was small and stuffy and full of men singing country songs. Caroline vibrated with happiness. Stefan wanted to go home and watch a game.

"Care" he said. "I can't do this."

She patted his cheek.

"Okay. I'll grant you three beers. You won't be hammered, but you won't be sober."

"Five."

"Four."

"Okay."

She smiled at him.

"I know what song I'm doing, Do you?"

He shook his head. As he did, his phone vibrated in his pocket again. He picked it up. It was Elena calling. He stared at the display. Damon and Elena had called him today. Maybe they had broken up. Maybe Elena wanted him back. Maybe…

"Who is it?" Caroline asked.

He met her gaze. It was open and happy and smiley.

"No one important" he said and put his phone back in his pocket.

He would need more than four beers tonight, he could feel it. He needed a new heart. He needed to get over Elena. Now.

…

She let Stefan sing first. He picked the first song he recognized in the archive. It was Prince's _Purple Rain. _He looked uncomfortable and nervous, but he sang the song. Caroline hid her face in her hands. No, he actually couldn't sing. And not dance. Or anything. But she clapped along with the beat and elbowed a man who started to bu. And when he was done, she hugged him.

"I'm so proud of you" she exclaimed.

Stefan sat down on a chair.

"Never doing that again" he breathed.

"You were great."

"I have ears, Care. I sucked."

"I don't think the girl in the corner thinks that you sucked" she said, winking.

Stefan turned. A small girl with flaming red hair and low-cut top was watching him intently. Apparently, if you were handsome enough, you didn't need to be able to sing.

"Oh lord" he moaned.

She smiled. Was that relief she felt?

"What?" Caroline giggled. "You're a single man now."

He seemed to flinch and she regretted her words.

"Sorry" she said quickly.

He shrugged.

"I've just never thought about it like that."

She wanted to slap herself.

"We're supposed to have fun and I just made you feel like shit."

He smiled.

"No, you didn't, Care."

She shook her head.

"I'm going to sing for you now."

"Alright."

"It's a song from our road trip-CD."

He nodded.

"Great."

…

They didn't have the song she wanted to sing, so she decided to do it acapella. What the hell. She could sing. She knew it. She wasn't Whitney Houston, but she had pipes. And she had to sing this song. Especially since she just reminded Stefan that he had been dumped.

"This is for my best friend" she said into to microphone.

Someone cheered. Stefan pulled a face at her.

"It's called _Songbird _and it's from the best album ever made."

Fleetwood Mac should hire her as their spokesperson.

"Okay" she exhaled. "Let's go."

She breathed slowly and then began to sing.

_For you, there'll be no more crying,  
>For you, the sun will be shining,<em>

He had tilted his head to one side, watching her. She gripped the microphone harder.

_And I feel that when I'm with you,  
>It's alright, I know it's right<em>A guy came up on stage, holding a guitar. He began strumming the chords. She smiled. She loved moments like this. Moments that was like movies. _To you, I'll give the world  
>to you, I'll never be cold<em>People had begun to sway in the crowd. Stefan looked at her. She smiled, he smiled back. He was her best friend. He was only person who could stand to be with her for several days in the row. He could calm her down and make her happy. _And the songbirds are singing,  
>Like they know the score,<br>And I love you, I love you, I love you,  
>Like never before.<em>

…

"That was really beautiful, Care" he said.

"Thanks."

She blushed and looked away, suddenly feeling like blushing toddler.

"I probably should pay more attention to that album."

"Yeah" she said, smiling.

He put his arm around and squeezed her close to him. He smelled like hotel soap.

"And I sung _Purple Rain_…"

She giggled.

"It was very nice!"

"Sure. Very from the heart."

"We can check this off our list now" she said.

"Thank God."

She giggled again and took a swig from his bottle of beer.

"Let's go and get some sleep" she said.

He nodded.

"Yeah."

…

When she woke up the next morning, it was her phone that woke her. She made a move to answer, but stopped herself. If it was Bonnie or Elena, she wasn't going to pick up. She opened one eye and peeked at the display. It read MOM in big, blue letters. Caroline groaned. The room was light and it hurt eyes. She stumbled out of her tiny bed and hurtled for the bathroom before Stefan woke up.

"Hello" she answered, rubbing her eyes.

"Did I wake you?" her mother asked tersely.

"Yeah."

"It's 2 PM."

"Is it?"

Shit. Caroline removed the phone from her ear and checked its clock. 2:13 PM. Shit.

"Why aren't you at your dad's?" her mother asked.

"Couldn't stand it" Caroline sighed.

She stood up and went over to mirror. Her hair was tangled and she had mascara under her eyes. She tried to rub it off with one hand.

"Then where are you?" Sheriff Forbes asked with her best interrogation voice.

"Forrest City" Caroline replied.

She was hungry. The blood supply in the trunk was running low. Maybe she would go hunting with Stefan. A bunny wouldn't be so bad.

"What?" her mother asked.

"Forrest City, Arkansas."

"And why are you there?"

"Road-tripping."

"With whom?"

"Stefan."

Her mother sighed deeply. Caroline rolled her eyes at herself in the mirror. She looked pale. It was pity she couldn't get a tan anymore.

"I was afraid of that" her mother said slowly.

"Really?" Caroline asked without any real curiosity.

"I think you should come home."

"No thanks."

She sat down on the edge of the bathtub.

"Caroline, I got a call from Elena last night."

Caroline suddenly felt cold.

"So?"

"She told me about her, err, situation."

Caroline didn't reply. She closed her eyes and tried to stop herself from screaming in frustration.

"And I think you're being very disloyal, Caroline."

"You think?"

"Yes. Elena was very upset that you are trying to seduce her boyfriend."

"Mom, Stefan isn't Elena's boyfriend. Damon is Elena's boyfriend now. You now, the dark one with the weird eyebrows?"

"You should take care of your friends."

"That's what I'm doing!" Caroline exclaimed exasperated.

"No, Caroline. You're betraying your best friend."

"Why do you care, mom? You never cared about me before. Why is this time different?"

Her mother breathed heavily on the other end.

"Life isn't always about you, Caroline" she snapped.

Caroline hung up.

…

"You want breakfast?" Stefan asked.

"No."

"I'll fetch you some blood."

"No thanks."

She lay down on her stomach on her bed, trying to make herself from crying. She didn't mean to be mean to Stefan. He was nice. She just wasn't.

"Can you tell me what is upsetting you?" he asked softly.

"Nothing."

He sat down on the foot of her bed. His weight made the bed quiver.

"Can you please speak in whole sentences?" he asked.

She peered up at him.

"I'm fine. You go hunt."

"And in words with more than one syllable, please."

She ignored him. Anger and hurt and sadness pulsed inside her. She couldn't think. Her mother had taking Elena's side in this. Elena, whom her mother had spoken to maybe ten times. She had listened to Elena, like she had never listen to Caroline. Everyone always chose Elena. _Always._

"Care" he whispered.

He was closer now, laying a hand on her hip. It made her quiver, just like the bed had.

"What?" she snapped.

"I'm your best friend, remember?"

"Shut up" she croaked against the pillow.

He began to untangle her hair, just like had the other day. It had a weirdly calming effect on her. It made her relax and breathe.

"You sang me that pretty song last night, Care. Remember?" he began. "And I'm not sure but I think that there's a line in it saying something like '_to you, I'll never be cold'_."

"Stupid song" she murmured.

He waited for her to say something else, but when she didn't he began rubbing her shoulders.

"Can you just tell me who called?"

He had been awake when she came out of the bathroom.

"My mom."

"Oh."

He seemed surprised.

"And what did say?"

"None of your freakin' business."

He laughed, but then got serious.

"It was about Elena, wasn't it?"

Caroline turned around so that she lay on her back. His arms retracted from her skin. That was good. Otherwise they would had been rubbing her chest.

"My mother told me that Elena had called her to say that I was betraying her."

She shook her head in disbelief. Stefan looked troubled. His eyebrows were contracted. Crap. He was worrying again.

"Why would she do that?" he asked.

"The question is, why did my mother listen? I swear that she didn't even know that you two used to date. She doesn't care. But now, just because Elena calls, she's in on all of it" she spat.

Stefan stroked her cheek. His skin was cold on her flustered face.

"I'm sorry they did that, Care. I'm sorry they're trying to blame you" he said softly.

Caroline met his eyes.

"She's jealous" she whispered.

"I don't think she is."

"I know she is."

She tried to read his face. Was he pleased? Maybe.

"I wish the rest of the world could just leave us alone" she whispered.

He smiled.

"Yeah, me too."

…

"Tell me something" she whispered.

Stefan turned his head to look at her. Her eyes were closed. They lay on the grass near a lake. It was silent and hot and calm.

"Like what?"

"About Elena."

"I thought the rule was to not talk about exes" he smiled.

She shifted her body against him, her hair getting in her eyes.

"I think you need to talk about her."

Maybe she was right. Maybe she wasn't. Stefan closed his eyes and felt the sun on his skin. In moments like this, it was easy to pretend that Elena hadn't ever existed. That he didn't feel hurt.

"I don't know what to say."

He heard Caroline move again on the grass and when she spoke, she was closer to him.

"Had you ever been in love before you met her?" she asked.

"Yes" he replied. "I met this girl in London in the 1930's. She was pretty, a vampire too, her name was Carrie."

"What happened?"

He shrugged.

"Didn't work out. Neither of us were stable. I haven't seen her in 90 years."

"What was she like?"

"She…" he hesitated. "She was very quiet. Very shy. You had to pry the words from her mouth. But she was sweet and kind. And very clever."

He opened his eyes. He hadn't thought about Carrie for a very long time.

"Did it hurt when you split up?" Caroline asked.

"Yeah."

"How bad?"

"Not this bad."

She stroked his forehead with her soft fingers. Stefan relaxed. He tried to focus on her touch, not on the hurt, not on the pain.

"I loved her. But it was a struggle. I never knew what she felt or meant. It drove me crazy" he whispered.

"I get it."

"And Katherine. I guess I loved her too, even though it wasn't real. She was manipulative and selfish, but still..."

"Every love is different."

"And Elena" he began. "Elena is kind and compassionate and wonderful. But…"

"But?"

"She's a martyr."

Caroline snorted. Stefan smiled too.

"She totally is" she agreed.

Caroline had spilled blood onto her t-shirt. Her jeans had grass stains. She didn't wear any makeup. She was real in a way that Stefan had never really seen her in Mystic Falls. Stefan liked that. He liked this Caroline. The Caroline that went up on stage and sang a song to him. The Caroline that tried to protect him. The Caroline that stroked his face with her soft fingers.

"How about you, Care?" he asked softly.

"If I've been in love?"

"Yeah."

She nodded.

"I think so. I'd like to think so."

He nodded. He remembered hearing about Caroline singing to Matt at the Mystic Grill. For some reason it annoyed him. That Caroline had sung to someone else. He pushed the thought away.

"Let's get hammered" Caroline suggested.

….

Caroline quickly realized that it was a lot easier to get her hammered than Stefan. They ended up at the same karaoke bar as last night (it was the only bar they could find). A man sang three Michael Jackson songs in a row and received a standing ovation. Caroline stood on a chair, drinking vodka and doing the moonwalk. She didn't get carded and Stefan paid. It was dangerous. She didn't know if vampires got hang-overs or not. She hoped not.

"You need to drink more" she said, tugging on Stefan's shirt.

"I try" he said. "But you keep stealing mine."

"Oh."

She sat down again. She felt happy and drunk and she didn't care that her mother was an idiot. Why should she care? She was in Forrest City and had just had four shots in a row.

"You sang last night, right?" someone asked.

She turned. A guy, maybe in his thirties, stood behind her. He was kind of cute. If you liked plaid shirts and too tight jeans.

"Yep" she said and nodded vigorously.

"Not tonight?" he asked.

"Nope."

"Why?"

"Because, tonight, we get drunk" she explained seriously.

"We?" the guy asked.

"Me and Stefan" she said, pointing on Stefan who just ordered another beer (beer? Jesus, did he take his seriously?)

"He your boyfriend?"

"Nope."

Stefan looked at her. He smiled vaguely, she beamed back. Did he look extra handsome tonight? That leather jacket was wonderful. She wanted to kiss it.

"And how is your mission going?" the guy asked.

"What?" she asked confused.

She leaned closer to Stefan to smell the leather. It smelt wonderful. She should by a leather jacket of her own. One of those short, cute ones.

"Getting drunk" the guy said, but Caroline didn't pay attention.

She moved her head up, towards Stefan's neck. It smelled even better than the leather. It was fresh and musky and made her stomach go all fuzzy. Maybe she should buy her own Stefan and carry around. She giggled at the thought.

"You listening to me?" the guy asked.

"Why don't you speak in proper sentences?" she asked.

"Huh?"

"Don't you like 'how' and 'is' and 'are'?"

He looked confused. She patted his cheek. He didn't smell as nice as Stefan. She wondered what his name was. Maybe Douglas. Yes. She would call him Douglas.

"Do you want to sleep with me?" she asked bluntly.

Douglas looked taken aback, but then smiled.

"You want me?" he asked.

"No, but your jeans are tight and very so in the crouch area."

He blushed angrily. Caroline smiled sweetly and turned to Stefan. He was drinking whisky now. Well, it was better than beer.

"Douglas wants to sleep with me" she told him.

He nodded.

"I can tell."

"Do you think I should?"

"Are you a virgin?" he asked.

Wow. Drunk-Stefan wasn't quite as discreet as sober-Stefan. It made her giggle.

"No, silly. I slept with your brother and shit."

"Oh, yeah, right" he nodded.

She turned to Douglas again. He didn't say anything. He just stood there, waiting for Caroline's choice.

"He's kind of cute" she said fairly.

"A bit short" Stefan commented.

That was true. She hadn't realized. Not that it would matter in bed. She bravely reached out and patted the bulge of his faded-blue jeans. He let out some sound of shock and stepped away. She giggled.

"Maybe I should kiss him first?" she asked Stefan.

He shrugged and ordered another whisky.

She stood up and kissed Douglas on the mouth. He tasted like tobacco and beer. She wrinkled her nose.

"I need another drink" she decided.

…

He didn't know if Caroline was playing some game or was just really, really drunk. She kind of flirted with some guy named Douglas while consulting Stefan if he was hot enough. Stefan didn't understand the deal with meeting people in bars. Sure, he'd had one night stands, but never enjoyed it. Caroline, however, seemed to be considering sleeping with this hillbilly with a southern drawl as thick as Stefan's thigh.

"I don't think so" Caroline finally said.

Douglas rolled his eyes. She had been changing her mind several times of the last hour. Stefan didn't understand Douglas just didn't leave.

"I'm clean" he vowed. "No STDs or nothing."

Caroline tilted her head.

"Not that worried" she told him.

"Why not?"

She leaned in close.

"I'm a vampire."

Stefan almost spit his drink out, but Douglas only smirk. Thank god.

"Good one" Douglas smirked.

Stefan exhaled. He felt light-headed. Maybe he was hammered enough.

"Caroline" he said, pulling on her arm. "Decide now. You go home with him, or with me."

It didn't sound right. He tried to figure out another way to phrase it, but his head was too mushy. Caroline ruffled his hair.

"I'll always pick you" she giggled.

He unsteadily got up, grabbed her hand and together they left Douglas at the bar.

"I'm happy" Caroline told him.

The air was cool. Stefan breathed deeply. It made him sober up a little.

"Douglas looked sad" he said.

She nodded seriously.

"But I didn't like his jeans. I don't want to see what's inside the package before I open it."

Stefan exploded with laughter. Nothing had ever seemed that funny. Ever. He couldn't walk and laugh at the same time. He had to stop. Caroline stopped too.

"Oh God" he choked.

"And he didn't smell nice."

"Didn't he?"

"No, not like you."

He bent down and kissed her. It was only a small peck on lips, but she pulled him back in. He felt her hands on the back of his neck, her tongue in his mouth, her nose against his.

"Maybe we should get to bed" she breathed against his cheek.

He nodded.


	6. i just want you to feel fine

Caroline woke up the next morning feeling like crap. Her mouth was dry and her head hurt and fangs itched. She didn't want to wake up. She wanted to sleep until the hangover was gone, but she couldn't. She could hear the shower running in the bathroom and her mind immediately snapped to Stefan. To the kiss. She took a soothing breath of air and opened her eyes.

She was in her own bed, wearing only her t-shirt and panties. Stefan's bed was unmade, His leather jacket was carelessly lying in a corner. It wasn't like Caroline didn't remember what had happened, she did. She just wanted to confirm to herself that her memories were correct. No, she hadn't slept with him, but she had kissed him. Or he had kissed her. Or something like that.

"Hey" she said as he came out of the bathroom.

He had wrapped a white towel around his waist. His hair was wet, his chest damp.

"Hey."

He sat down on his bed. She tried not to look at him, but it was hard. She tried to ignore that he was naked, five feet from her, only being covered up by some tiny fabric.

"I'm going to have a shower" she announced.

She got up too quickly and felt her head spin. She had to sit down again.

"How do you feel?" he asked, smirking.

"Wonderful" she replied.

"I bet."

His tone wasn't awkward or forced. He smiled openly at her. Didn't he remember the kiss? Or did he just didn't want to talk about it?

"What time is it?" she asked.

"Noon."

She lay back on her bed.

"The shower was very nice" he said. "You should try one."

Images of him showering popped into her head. Soup and big hand of smooth skins and… No. She wasn't going there.

"Last night was fun, though" he commented.

She tried to see anything in his eyes that showed that he had the kiss in mind. She found nothing.

"Yeah" she said weakly.

He came over and held his hand out to her.

"You need some help getting back up?"

She shook her head.

"No, I'm fine."

She got up on shaky legs and headed towards the bathroom. It wasn't until she was in the hot water that she could relax.

…

Stefan tried to make himself shake off the feeling of dread. This wasn't how it was supposed to go. They weren't supposed to kiss. He began to pace the small motel room. He heard the shower running. He didn't want to go home. He didn't want to wreck everything. _They weren't supposed to kiss! _

And he wasn't supposed to enjoy it.

…

They spent the day inside. It drizzled constantly and the sky was gray. Gone was the heat and the clear skies. Caroline sipped blood from a bag and Stefan only went out for an hour to hunt. He came back with tousled hair and muddy shoes. She watched him. And then she couldn't bare it anymore. She didn't want to feel tense and awkward and God knows what else.

"Stefan…" she began.

He looked up from the book he was reading. Tolstoy. He was rereading all the Russian classics, she was reading Us Weekly and People.

"Yeah?" he asked, putting the book down.

"Last night…"

Her phone rang. She picked it up, it was Bonnie. She pressed IGNORE.

"What?" he asked.

"Don't you remember?" she asked, her voice tiny.

For a moment, she thought that he would say no, but he didn't. Instead he nodded.

"I wasn't _that_ drunk" he smirked. "I don't have memory loss."

She smiled weakly back.

"We should talk about it."

"We were drunk" he said, slowly.

She nodded. Yes. That was true. But she had never before, even when drunk, felt the urge to kiss random people. Maybe she had because it would be fun or exciting, but she had _really _wanted to kiss Stefan.

"You're right."

His face was guarded, but she found no agenda in it. Maybe he just wanted to forget it.

"You're my best friend, Care. I don't want this to screw it up."

She nodded.

"Me neither."

He leaned over and tousled her hair. She laughed and tried to get even. They ended up in a pile on the floor, playing a game of who was stronger; Stefan on animal blood or Caroline with a hang-over. He won. Her mind was elsewhere. It had gone down fine. He just wanted them to friends. Just like she did.

Then why did it feel like a letdown?

…

They stayed in Forrest City for another four days. In continued to rain and they spent days sipping coffee in their hotel room and their nights at the karaoke bar. Caroline sang almost every night. She loved it. They didn't get drunk. They didn't kiss.

As they left and hit the road, Caroline sighed.

"I wish they had a college here" she said.

"You want to live _here_?"

"I love it. It's small and cute and perfect."

Stefan shook his head at her. She yawned and tilted her head against the window.

"And where are we going next?" Stefan asked.

"To a wedding. We need to crash one."

"Oh, right."

She yawned again. She felt her phone vibrate in her pocket, but she didn't pick up. Bonnie had been calling her twice a day for the last couple of days. Caroline didn't really feel like picking up.

"And how do we find a wedding?"

"We will."

He didn't question her, just headed for highway. It stopped raining as they passed Jacksonville.

…

They got gas in Little Rock. Caroline hated the city right away. It was big and noisy and smelled like petrol (or maybe that was because she was at a gas station). She went inside to pay. There was no point finding a good wedding here, Caroline just wanted to drive on. Instead she just paid for the gas and went to the ladies room to wash her face. Inside, her phone rang. She sighed and picked it up from her bag. DAMON SALVATORE read the display. She felt surprise. Had Damon ever called her before?

"Hello" she answered.

"Hey."

She stood in the smelly restroom. She didn't dare go out, not wanting to Stefan to see that she was talking to anyone.

"Where are you?" Damon asked.

His tone was uninterested, but Caroline knew better.

"Why?" she asked. "Why do you care?"

He snorted.

"Are you mad at me, Barbie?"

She ignored the stupid nickname.

"Yes."

"Oh."

He didn't say anything, neither did she. Instead she clamped the phone between her shoulder and her ear and began to wash her hands.

"Stefan doesn't pick up when I call."

"You don't say. I wonder why."

"Look, Caroline. This isn't as black and white as you think…"

"You stole your brother's boyfriend, knowing that it would destroy him."

"He would have done the same thing."

It was Caroline's turn to snort.

"Are you kidding me?"

She dried her hands and grabbed the phone again. She had become use to fighting with people over the phone. Maybe something to enter into her college applications.

"Look, I didn't call to bicker with you" Damon sneered.

"Ouch, now I'm hurt."

"Can you give the phone to Stefan?" he asked.

"No."  
>"Why not?"<p>

"I'm in the ladies' room."

"Are you stuck there or what?"

"Damon, I'm not giving him the phone. He'll pick up when he's ready."

Damon growled.

"Elena and I broke up."

Caroline almost dropped her cell onto the gross floor.

"What?"

"Yeah, last week."

"Why?"

He didn't answer. She didn't really want to know anyway.

"I almost killed Matt" Damon finally confessed.

Caroline felt her stomach turn ice cold. Matt. Wonderful, loyal Matt.

"_What?"_

"She kept going about how good of a boyfriend he used to be and that she and I always fought."

"So you tried to _kill _him?"

"It was a mistake."

"Is he okay?"

"Fit as a fiddle."

Caroline rubbed forehead.

"You tried to kill Jeremy and she forgave you."

"I know."

"Why not now?"

"We've been, ehm, rocky, for a while."

"Shit."

Damon snickered.

"Do you want to tell Stefan this?" Caroline asked.

"Yeah."

"Wait until he picks up."

"You won't tell him?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"It's not my place."

She hung up. Her whole body felt weak and quivery. Matt. Oh Matt. All he had ever done was been around. And he got dragged into all sorts of shit. And what would Stefan do when he found out that Elena was single? Would he go home?

…

"Was there a line?" Stefan asked.

She nodded mutely and got back into the car. Just as she did, her phone rang again. It was Elena.

"Hey" he said. "How about we shut our phones off for a few days?"

She hesitated a second.

"Okay."

She turned her phone off and shoved the bottom of her bag. Then she closed her eyes and tried to breathe normally.

"You okay?"

"Let's just get out of here. I hate Little Rock."

"Okay."

She turned to volume up and Stevie Nick's _I don't want to know _boomed out into the car.

"Is there a single song on this album that's happy?" Stefan asked, smiling.

"Yes" Caroline replied. "But most of them aren't. There about crappy relationships and not knowing when to just give up."

"Like this one."  
>"Yeah. Stevie Nicks, who wrote it, was with this guy called Lindsay. And they loved each other but they were so incompatible. They fought all the time. Stevie wrote this song and Lindsay <em>Go your own way <em>about it."

Caroline thought of Damon and Elena. They were angsty and difficult but had loved each other. And now it was over, just like it had been for Stevie and Lindsay. Should she tell him that? Should Caroline tell him what Damon had said? She didn't want him feel guilty, didn't want to open wounds. And she really, really didn't want him to leave.

"I don't want to know" Caroline whispered.

"What?"

"It's the name of the song."

"Oh."

_I don't wanna stand between you and love, honey/  
>I just want you to feel fine<em>

She did just want him to feel fine. And maybe she wanted herself to feel fine too. Was that so bad?

…

When Caroline fell asleep, Stefan left the highway and went looking for a small town that she would like. He ended up in tiny town called Sweet Home and had about 1000 inhabitants and 74 % African Americans. He found a tiny B&B, owned by an old lady who rented out a spare room and carried Caroline inside. She slept restlessly and moaned in her sleep. He covered her with a blanket and put a cold hand on her forehead to cool her down. There was only one bed so he lay down beside her. It didn't have to be weird. It was a big bed. Right?

…

Caroline woke up feeling hot and clammy. She was covered in blankets and the room was pitch dark. She reached one hand out and felt Stefan's skin against her fingers. His skin wasn't as warm as hers. And he was just next to her. Maybe it should make her uncomfortable, but she was happy that he was there. At arm's reach. Close enough to touch. He was here with her. Not with Elena. Right now, anyway. If she told him what Damon had told her, would he choose to leave? Would she be his second choice, just as she was everyone else's?

"Do you feel okay?" Stefan whispered.

She had realized that he was awake.

"I feel like I have a fever."

"Vampires don't get fevers."

"Then I'm a hypochondriac."

He laughed. She couldn't see him, but she could picture his face. She could picture every part of him. His chest. His arms. His thighs. His back. His neck. His eyes.

"Maybe you're freaking out."

"Maybe."

She felt his hand stroke her hair. She didn't know why, but whenever he did that, she felt better. Maybe she was a cat.

"You want to talk about it?" he asked softly.

"Not really."

"Okay."

He put his arm around her. It felt like having an ice pack on wound. She closed her eyes and nuzzled her face into his skin. Her feet pressed against his ankles.

"You're burning up" he whispered.

She nodded and sighed in pleasure as he reached over and cradled her against his chest. She could feel every breath he took. She could feel his muscles through her thin t-shirt.

"Do you remember the first day we met?" she whispered against his throat.

"Yeah."

"Seems like long time ago."

"I told you that nothing could ever happen between us" he said softly.

She didn't dare respond, not knowing how.

"And then Damon tried to kill Vicki Donovan" he continued.

Vicki. Matt's sister. Caroline felt the stab of guilt again. Matt was hurt. And she was holding something from Stefan.

"You feel better?" he asked.

She nodded.

"Yeah."

"Try to get some more sleep."

He kissed the top of her head and after a while, she fell asleep.

…

Stefan felt hypnotized by her breathing. In. And out. In. And out. He couldn't sleep, wasn't tired. He felt happy and sad and moody and high. Caroline had draped herself over him. In her sleep, she nuzzled even closer. Their legs were entwined, her thigh dangerously close to his boxers. He could feel the curve of her breasts against his chest. And is his nose was the smell of her. Like flowers and spices and person. Even though she was a vampire, she still smelt like human. He loved that about her. How she could be a vampire, but still, in every way, be teenage girl. Stefan hadn't felt like teenage boy in years. Well, until the other night when he had got drunk and stupidly kissed Caroline outside that pub.

…

"Why do I feel like you're always the one nurturing me when we did this trip to cheer you up?" she whispered.

He smiled.

"Good morning."

He carefully untangled himself from her, but kept the arm around her shoulders.

"How do you feel?" he asked.

"Fine."

"You sure?"

"Positive."

She did look better. Her eyes were brighter and her skin had a glow. He couldn't help but stroke her cheek with his thumb.

"Where are we?" she asked.

"Sweet Home."

"What?"

"It's a town, it's called Sweet Home."

She giggled.

"That's wonderful."

Stefan felt a wave of glee. She had reacted just like he had wanted her to.

"What time is it?" she asked.

"Just after eleven, I think."

"Let's watch TV."

She picked up the remote and flicked to some kids show. He smiled. He had no hurry leaving this bed.

"How old are you?" he teased her as a purple crab began singing on the TV.

"Not 170 or whatever you are."

"Ouch."

"I like kids shows. Things always end well."

"And not in real life?"

She sighed.

"No, nothing ends well in real life."  
>He nodded. She was right.<p>

…

"Is there any weddings around here?" Caroline asked the lady that they rented their room of.

"Why?" the woman asked.

"We're going to one, but we lost our directions."

Caroline shrugged to herself. It was a lame explanation, but what the hell.

"No" the woman answered. "I don't there's a wedding here."

"Too bad."

She left the kitchen and met Stefan outside. He was wearing jeans again, Those perfect, perfect jeans. She wanted to run her hands over them, to feel their softness. But she didn't. That would just be weird.

"We'll have to leave" she told him. "No wedding here."

"Let's stay the day. We can hunt."

She nodded and they headed for the woods. Caroline left Stefan and hunted alone. She was in the mood for something bigger than a rabbit. Maybe a doe or something. She tread lightly on the dry earth in look for one. Everything was quiet. She thought of nothing. It felt like bliss. And then, a stick broke behind her. She flung around. Nothing there. Her pulse went up. An animal? She took a step forward and when she did, she felt the weight of something come over her. In panic, she tried to fight it off. She kicked and screamed and bit.

"Hey" he whispered. "It's just me."

She relaxed.

"You. Scared. Me."

"Just repaying you for doing this to me in Memphis."

She turned around and straddled him, holding him to the ground. He panted and smiled at her. Stefan Salvatore was the most handsome man she had ever met. Everything about him was perfect.

"I…" she began, but trailed off.

It would be so easy to lean down and kiss him. She was just few inches from his mouth. Just a kiss. It didn't mean anything.

"What?" he asked.

"I'm hungry" she scuffed and got to her feet.

He got up too and squeezed her hand.

"How about we hunt together?"

She nodded.

"Okay."


	7. damn your love, damn your lies

They spent the next a few days driving around looking for weddings. Caroline were quiet for the first days but then broke out of her shell again. She danced in a salsa club, while Stefan watched from the bar. They played paint ball against a few kids (and won. Sometimes being a vampire has its perks). And they checked out two small colleges in two small towns that Caroline thought were fine. Now all they had to do was crash a wedding.

…

"Can't we just go to Atlantic City or Vegas?" Stefan asked.

He really didn't mind driving around with her. He really didn't. But they were without direction now, just cruising around in the south, looking for a wedding.

"Oh lord" she sighed.

"What?"

"I want to see a wedding, not some drunk girl marrying a guy she doesn't know."

"Have you ever been to wedding?" he asked, smirking.

"Nope. Have you?"

"Yeah, several. They look like more fun in the movies."

She pouted.

"Don't say that. You'll break my heart."

"Everyone just gets drunk and does stupid things."

She met his eyes and then snorted. He smiled too.

"Okay" he sighed. "Where next?"

She shrugged.

…

It was actually Stefan who found the wedding. He was reading a small town's local paper and found a huge article about the Birch wedding. Apparently, the Birch family owned 75 % of all Southern electrical stores and was super rich. The son in the family was marrying the daughter of a senator in the small town Whitehouse, Texas. (Stefan wondered if this had something to do with the senator or if it was just a coincidence.) The wedding (called the wedding of the decade in the local paper) was that Friday. It was a black tie affair, held at one of the Birch's mansions. When Caroline saw the article, she almost fainted with pleasure.

…

"Everything's booked" Caroline sighed.

"This is big wedding" Stefan commented.

They had circled Whitehouse for the last hour, looking for a hotel room. But with 500 guests arriving to the small town, it wasn't that surprising that they couldn't find anywhere to spend the night.

"This town is cute" Caroline commented.

"You think every town is cute."

Stefan smiled at her, she rolled her eyes. He sighed and turned left. They ended up on a large street, filled with people and small shops and an orchestra. Everywhere were color and sound and children running around.

"Oh, I love this" Caroline mumbled, staring longingly out the window.

"Care, why don't you get out here. I'll drive around and find us somewhere to sleep."

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

"But you'll miss the fun."

"Believe me, it's alright. You're the one who loves these things."

She beamed at him. A minute ago, she had been irritated, but now, she was happy. She wasn't difficult, small things was all she needed. Stefan liked that about her. Making Elena happy had always been a struggle. Something that had pleased her one day, had been horrible the next.

"I'll pick you up around six" Stefan said.

"Here?"

"Yeah."

"Should we turn our phones on?" she asked.

"No, let's not."

He loved that no one could reach them. He loved not being disturbed by a ring tone. He felt free, he didn't want to change that.

…

Stefan was right, Caroline loved these things. It was one of the things she had realized when she had begun to arrange dances and car washes and all sorts of things for the school. She liked seeing people enjoy themselves. The air smelled of pretzels and barbeques. She bought a hot dog just for the fun of it. She walked around the square slowly. A woman sold necklaces and Caroline studied them all closely before buying a single pearl on a silver chain. She stopped and watched a young girl, maybe seven or eight, sing the national anthem on the top of her lungs. And at last, she sat down on a bench and watched a school class play. It was Hamlet and wonderfully terrible. Caroline enjoyed herself and before she knew it, it was almost six pm.

It was one her way back to where Stefan had dropped her off that she spotted the tiny shop. It had a sign that read "FancyA ttire" in cursive and in the window was a mannequin man wearing a tuxedo and a mannequin woman wearing a big, blue dress. She hadn't thought of it before, but of course, she and Stefan couldn't go the Birch wedding wearing jeans and t-shirts. They had to buy some fancy attire and where better to do it then at "Fancy Attire"? The store had closed for the day, but it would open at 8 AM the next morning. The wedding started at three. They would probably have the time to buy something before that.

…

Stefan pulled in just beside her. As he stepped out of the car, Caroline felt her whole body explode with something. _God, she had missed him._ He smiled at her and she felt like crying. She hadn't realized that she had had a knot in stomach before it disappeared. Without even thinking, she skipped towards him and flung herself around his neck. He lifted her up and spun her around. She giggled and hung on for dear life. After a few seconds, he put her down.

"Hey" he said softly.

She brushed his hair of his eyes.

"Hey."

"You seem happy."

"I missed you" she admitted.

She blushed.

"You did?" he asked.

She nodded, feeling like little kid.

"I missed you too."

He put his arm around her shoulders. She closed her eyes. At that moment, she felt perfectly fine.

"Did you find somewhere to live?" she asked.

He nodded and then smiled mischievously.

"In the mansion."

"The Birch mansion?"

"Yeah."

"How did you do that?"

"I knocked on the door and compelled Mr. Birch to believe that we were friends of the bride and she had promised that we could stay in one of the guest rooms."

"You didn't" Caroline gasped.

"I did."

"Am I a bad influence on you?" she teased.

He laughed and ruffled her curls.

"You might have to re-do it though, my compulsion isn't that strong."

"You're so bad" she teased.

"Well, it's free and better than a Motel 6."

She smiled.

"Did you have good day?" he asked.

"Yeah. It was nice."

But better now that he was with her again.

"And now?" he asked.

"Let's go and play in our suite!"

…

"Hi" Caroline said. "We're going to the Birch wedding tonight, but our luggage got lost in Paris."

"Oh dear" the old lady said.

Caroline nodded gravely.

"He needs a suit" she said and pointed to Stefan.

She could hear him moaning.

"I have plenty of suits. At home. Can't I just rent one?"

Caroline met the lady's gaze and rolled her eyes. The lady nodded in a way that meant _men, aren't they just so stupid at times? _

"We don't have much time…" Caroline continued.

"We'll make it" the woman said. "No one should go to wedding like that without looking their best."

Stefan groaned.

"What do you think?" the lady asked Caroline. "Black or gray?"

Caroline tilted her head.

"Black."

The woman nodded and extended her hand.

"I'm Denise. It's nice to meet you."

"Caroline. And this is Stefan. Thanks for helping us."

Denise shrugged.

"You are such a stunning pair of kids, it won't be hard work to make you look wonderful."

Stefan groaned again.

"I have suits" he repeated.

Denise patted his shoulder.

"Calm down, boy. I have the perfect one for you."

She led him behind a screen and began talking to him in a soothing voice. Caroline smirked. He acted like he was going to the dentist, not getting a brand new suit. She could hear him taking his jeans off and saw as they landed on the floor. A small wave of _something _went through her at the sight of those jeans. Next to it, his white shirt fell. She wanted to pick it up and smell it. But she didn't. Instead she flicked through bridal magazines and tried to look like she wasn't listening to every noise.

…

"I think you'll be pleased" Denise said as she came out from behind the screen.

"I hope so" Caroline smiled.

"Come on, Stefan. Let us see how you look!"

She heard his footsteps before she saw him. And when she did, her heart stopped. Her stomach felt like when you ride a rollercoaster. It hurt and felt good at the same time.

"How do I look?" he asked, raising one eyebrow.

It wasn't like Caroline hadn't seen Stefan in suit before. He always dressed up properly for dances and other events. There was really no explanation why she felt like fainting when seeing him now. He had always looked good in suits. But had he always looked this good?

"Aren't the sleeves a bit too long?" Caroline asked hoarsely.

The sleeves were perfect, but she needed an excuse to touch him. She felt the thick fabric of the jacket against her fingers as she fingered the seams. He was looking at her, she could tell.

"No" Denise said. "They're just right."

Caroline nodded.

"You're right. It's perfect."

He was perfect. He looked perfect. The pants were slim without being tight. The jacket was masculine and strong looking. The white shirt was stiff and proper.

"It's expensive" Stefan said.

"You're rich" Caroline reminded him with a smirk. "And when was the last time you bought a suit?"

She could see him thinking.

"A very long time ago" he answered smirking.

She guessed that meant 1972.

"You should buy it" Denise said, nodding.

"Alright" Stefan sighed. "I'll buy it."

Caroline nodded. She stole another look at him. She felt sick and dizzy. Was it really true that vampires didn't get fevers?

…

"And what about you, dear?" Denise asked.

"No, it's okay. I had some dresses with me."

"Long ones? It's black tie, you know."

"No" Caroline sighed. "No long ones. But it's okay. Everyone will be so drunk they won't even realize that what I'm wearing."

"Says the girl who made me buy a new suit" Stefan said.

"You needed it!"

"And you need a dress" Denise said.

Caroline smiled weakly. She wasn't poor or anything, but spending hundreds or thousands of dollars on a dress felt like a bad idea. They were only crashing the wedding.

"I don't think so" she said politely.

"Why not?" Denise asked, glaring intently.

"I just don't have that kind of money right now."

It probably wasn't what a real guest of the Birch wedding would have said. All of them had probably bought a new dress for this.

"Well, just make your husband pay. That's what they're for."

Caroline felt confused for a second and then smiled. Denise thought that they were married. A shiver of excitement went through Caroline. She was just about to correct her when Stefan interfered.

"Yes" he said. "That's what I'm for."

"No, come on…"

"Oh be quiet" Denise snapped. "I'm sure you'll make it up to him tonight."

Caroline fought down a giggle. She met Stefan's eyes. He winked at her.

"I'll pay you back" she mumbled.

"No, you won't. You're my wife" Stefan said loudly, holding up his left hand.

Caroline saw that he quickly had moved his big, family ring to his left hand. She rolled her eyes.

"Nothing too much" she told Denise.

…

Caroline tried the plainest ones first. She chose the three cheapest gowns to bring behind the screen. Denise shook her head at her as she zipped up the first one. It was bright yellow, had a sweetheart neckline and flared out around her calves.

"This is nice" Caroline said politely.

"No" Denise said. "It isn't. Let's take it off. It doesn't suit you at all."

Caroline could only agree. It made her look wide and short and weird. But it was cheap.

"Let me see" Stefan called from the room.

"No" Denise snapped. "You'll see her when she's ready."

Caroline felt relived. She never wanted anyone to see her in that dress.

"We can try the blue" she suggested.

Denise scrunched up her face.

"It won't look good either."

"Ouch."

"It's nothing wrong with you, dear. It's the dresses."

"Doesn't everything fit a beauty?" Caroline smiled.

Denise looked serious.

"No."

"Okay."

"I'm sure your husband wouldn't complain if we went a bit more expensive."

"Maybe not" Caroline sighed.

She took off the yellow dress and stood in a strapless bra and panties behind the screen. On the other side, was Stefan. Was he thinking about her? Did he watch her t-shirt lying on the floor? Probably not.

"I just got this in" Denise interrupted Caroline's thoughts.

She turned around. And she saw the dress. It was a lilac and made in a light material, maybe chiffon. Caroline smiled at she saw it.

"It's gorgeous."

"Isn't it?"

"How much?" Caroline asked.

"Let's try it on first" Denise said.

The dress went over her head easily. Caroline didn't look at herself until it was zipped up. Then she opened her eyes and wanted to laugh. She looked beautiful. The dress was had two straps, far apart on her shoulders, creating a deep V-cut. It was pleated across her chest and went in around her waist. And after that, it just went down and down and down. It was light and lovely.

"Let's show your husband" Denise smiled.

Caroline could only nod.

…

Stefan was reading the same bridal magazine as Caroline had when she stepped out. At first, he didn't realize that he supposed to look. He thought that maybe it was Denise coming out to fetch another dress.

"Take a look" Denise said pointedly.

He looked up. And then he dropped the magazine onto the floor.

"What do you think?" Caroline asked.

Stefan bent down to pick BRIDAL MONTHLY up so that he could collect his thoughts.

"It's very nice" he said weakly.

Denise rolled her eyes.

"_Very nice_? She looks like a goddess."

Stefan nodded. Yes, she did. She looked strong and powerful and feminine and beautiful. Like someone who could hurt you if you didn't love her. Like someone who could change your life.

"It's…" he began.

"It's very, very expensive" Caroline filled in.

Stefan couldn't stop looking at her. Her skin was creamy and perfectly even. Her eyes looked bluer, her hair blonder. He could tell that she loved the dress.

"Caroline, we should get it" he said.

Denise clapped her hands in pleasure.

"It's 800 dollars" she said, smiling.

Stefan's eyebrows shot up. Caroline snorted.

"The yellow one wasn't that bad."

"I never saw that one" Stefan said.

"It looked like crap next to this dress" Denise informed him.

He smiled.

"Let's buy this one then."

"Stefan" Caroline said. "It's 800 dollars."

"I know. I thought it would cost more. This is almost a bargain."

She shook her head at him.

…

She did her makeup in the bathroom. It was big and equipped with two sinks, a shower, a hot tub and several soft towels. It even had a special makeup mirror. But despite that Caroline just couldn't focus. She kept freezing the eyeliner in one hand to stare at herself. She felt scared. Terrified.

"I'm in love with him" she whispered to her own reflection.

Then she froze. What if he was listening on the other side of the door?

"I don't want to be, but I am" she whispered even quieter.

Maybe she had been in love with him a forever. Maybe. But she had realized it when he stepped out in the suit. When he had looked at her. When she had touched his suit. Her body felt like jelly. Her heart felt heavy with love and guilt and everything else.

"_Shit_" she sighed. "Shit."

They were friends. Best friends. They were on this stupid trip so that he could get over his ex. His ex, who happened to be Caroline's friend since forever.

"You okay?" Stefan called.

"Yeah" she replied.

It was almost two pm. They needed to leave soon. And she couldn't focus enough to do her own makeup.

"Care, we need to leave now" he called.

"I know. Just give me minute."

"Is the mascara giving you a hard time?"

She smiled.

"Yeah."

"Want some help?"

She shrugged and unlocked the door. He came in, looking so handsome she wanted to kiss him and not let him leave her arms. Ever.

"You can brush my hair" she said.

He nodded. Actually, she had already brushed her hair, but she needed to calm down. And nothing calmed her down like Stefan's hands in her hair.

"Are you nervous?" he asked.

"No, not really."

"What's the problem then?"

"Nothing."

She smiled at him in the mirror. She felt his fingers touching her scalp, her cheek, her ears. With one quick swipe, she drew on the eyeliner and sighed.

"I'm wearing it down" she said, meaning the hair.

"You should."

She nodded and got up.

"I'm ready."

He patted her cheek. She wanted to feel nothing, but instead she felt everything.

"You sure that you're okay?" he asked.

"Yeah" she lied.


	8. this feeling follows me wherever i go

The sun had come back to the South and it was a nice day. The wedding was being held on the Birch grounds, outside. Caroline guessed that the town's chapel couldn't house the amount of people that were invited. Did the bride and groom really know all these people? And Caroline felt, despite being in debt to Stefan, relief that she was wearing a beautiful dress. She wouldn't have fit in if she wore one of her Forever 21 ones.

"So, are we're friends of the bride" she mumbled to Stefan. "Does that mean we sit on the right or left side?"

He shrugged.

She looked out over the grounds. Rows and rows of white chairs, flowers, trees, a band. Everybody smiled. Everyone looked happy.

"Let's just sit."

They sat down on the edge of a row, next to an elderly couple. Caroline smiled pleasantly and the man smiled back. She could tell he was looking down her cleavage and she quickly turned away. Perv.

"If you're over 65, you should stop looking at people's boobs" she muttered.

Stefan raised one eyebrow.

"Can you really blame him? You bent down to pick up the program and…"

"Shut up."

She tried to smack him, but he caught her hand.

"Hey, Care. If we're supposed to be married, maybe you should put your ring on the right finger."

She rolled her eyes, but did as he suggested. Her blue ring fit better on ring finger anyway.

"What's our story?" she asked. "How do we know…"

She opened her program to check the bride's name.

"Marissa. How do we know Marissa?"

"Maybe she's your friend" Stefan suggested.

"From where?"

"I don't know. College."

"Not believable. I think you should be one of her exes."

"Why would she invite her ex to her wedding?"

Caroline shook her head at him.

"To make you jealous."

"Oh."

Caroline was just about to add something, but just then, the music begun to play. She turned around in her seat, feeling butterflies.

…

Marissa Settlebridge (soon to be Birch) looked beautiful. She wore a huge dress with a 15 feet train, a thick veil and a corset so tight she looked anorectic. She carried a bouquet of fresh flowers. And she looked happy. Stefan had attended many weddings over the years. He had seen sad brides and nervous brides and doubting brides and regretful brides. Anyone could carry a wedding dress, but only some could shine with joy. And that Marissa did.

"She's gorgeous" Caroline exhaled in his ear.

He turned his head an inch to look at her. Her cheeks were rosy and her eyes bright.

"Yeah" he exhaled.  
>Caroline looked beautiful too. That dress did something to her that Stefan didn't understand.<p>

Celine Dion sang "My Heart Will Go On" and Stefan decided he liked Caroline singing "Songbird" better. But Caroline cried. She had clamped his hand between hers and sobbed uncontrollably. He patted her cheek as the minister freed 25 white doves that flew away. Then it was the vows. They were very none spontaneous and cliché, but Caroline continued to cry. When Marissa said, "I do", he himself felt something inside him. A flutter of something. Those words meant so much. Three letters would change this couple's lives.

"I love weddings" Caroline whispered as they got up to leave.

Next stop was toasting the couple in the sun room.

"I have to warn you, every wedding doesn't have Canadian pop stars and white doves" Stefan told her kindly.

"That isn't the point" she sighed.

"You have mascara under your eye."

"Oh, shit."

"It's okay. I'll wipe it off."

Caroline stopped and looked up at him. Stefan carefully placed his finger close her eye and rubbed softly. Her eyes were the bluest he had ever seen. The tears had made them deeper. Her hair blew in her face, across her lips, over her chin.

"There" he said. "It's gone."

He cradled her face in his hands, holding her face to his. He didn't know why. He couldn't explain it, he just wanted to look at her.

"Are you happy?" he asked softly. "Was this a good wedding to crash?"

She bit her lip.

"Yes."

"Good."

He let go of her and blinked against the sun. He didn't feel like himself.

…

"What a wonderful service" the young woman said.

Caroline nodded.

"Yes, wonderful."

"I'm Kat Nelson. Jason's wife."

Caroline smiled. She had no idea who Jason was, but tried to look informed.

"Caroline" she said and extended her hand.

They had just sat down to dinner. The appetizers looked dreadful, but tasted alright. And they were probably very expensive.

"And this is your boyfriend?" Kat asked, gesturing to Stefan who was talking to the old man who had looked down Caroline's dress.

"My husband" she replied. "Stefan Salvatore."

"Oh" Kat said, raising her eyebrows.

She was surprised. She didn't believe that someone like Stefan could be married to someone like Caroline. Of course. It wasn't a big shock.

"You make a very beautiful couple" Kat said, smiling.

"Thank you."

"So, are you friends of Marissa or Patrick or their dads?"

Caroline laughed.

"Stefan went to college with Marissa."

"Oh, really? Did they date?"

"No" Caroline answered a bit too quickly. "Well, I don't think so."

Kat smiled.

"They probably didn't, Marissa didn't date much back then. She just slept with guys."

Caroline giggled in surprise.

"_Really?_"

"Yeah, she looks like perfect little princess today, but she wasn't always" Kat sighed. "She was much more fun back then, though."

"You've been friends a long time?"

"Yeah, since High School."

"Well, I hope Stefan didn't sleep with her" Caroline concluded.

"Who didn't I sleep with?" Stefan said.

He had appeared behind her. She felt a tingle in stomach.

"Marissa."

"Nope" Stefan said.

Caroline shook her head. This was an absurd situation.

"Stefan, this is Kat. Kat, this is Stefan."

They shook hands.

"I'm Jason's wife" Kat said.

"Oh, right. Marissa's brother."

Caroline caught his eye. He looked proud of himself. She wondered how he figured it out.

"We better eat" Kat said. "The next course will be in soon."

…

The dancing began around eleven. And it was formal. Very formal. Caroline guessed that suited the attire. She stood against one wall and watched the flowing dresses over the dance floor. Kat, who turned out to be an excellent guide the life of the rich, pointed out who was married to who and who were cheating on their wives. Stefan stood on Caroline's other side. His shoulder brushed hers.

"Excuse me" someone screamed in their ears. "I must dance with you."

They turned it. It was the bride. And she was drunk. Caroline could smell it on her skin as she reached out past her to grab Stefan.

"Guess I can't say no the bride" Stefan smiled.

They disappeared into the crowd. Caroline watched them.

"How long have you two been married?" Kat asked.

"Not long" Caroline answered vaguely.

"No, I would guess not. You both look so young."

Caroline smiled.

"Stefan's not that young" she said, hoping he was listening into their conversation from the dance floor.

Only he would understand the humor in that statement.

"How did you meet?"

Caroline met Kat's eyes. And her mind went blank. She couldn't come up with a single story that would end with someone like Stefan marrying someone like her. The seconds went by. She started to panic. And then she decided to go the truth. Or something like that.

"He used to date my best friend" she said.

"And you stole him?" Kat asked, her eyes gleaming with interest.

"No, God, no. You can't steal anyone from Elena. She broke up with him. They had been dating for a really long time, we all thought they would get married and be together _forever_."

Caroline saw an image of Elena and Stefan together in her head, the perfect couple.

"What happened?"

"She fell in love with his brother."

Caroline's flicked the dance floor, but she couldn't see Stefan anymore. He probably wasn't listening to her. He had his hands full with a drunk bride.

"Ouch" Kat said empathetically.

"Yeah, I know."

"Who would dump him though? His brother must be a real catch."

"Damon's good looking in a dark, brooding way, I guess."

"Not your type?"

"No, not really."

She found Stefan with her eyes. Marissa was hanging over his shoulder.

"And then what happened?" Kat asked.

Caroline dragged her gaze away from him.

"I was going to visit my dad, he lives in Memphis, and I made Stefan go with me. I thought it would be good for him to get out of our small town" she began. "So we took his car and drove away. After visiting my dad we decided to make it into a road trip and we drove all over the South for a few weeks."

"And you fell in love?"

Caroline swallowed. Everything she told about this story had been true so far, here came the lies.

"I guess so" she said and smiled weakly.

"And this Elena girl, how did she take it?"

Caroline bit her lip.

"Not well."

Kat snorted.

"She should have known better. The grass isn't always greener on the other side!"

Caroline agreed. She turned her head to watch Stefan again. He smiled at the drunk Marissa and she laughed at him. No, Caroline thought, the grass could never be greener than Stefan.

…

Stefan handed over Marissa to her new husband.

"Sorry" Patrick said.

"It's okay" Stefan smiled.

He left Patrick to give Marissa some coffee or something. If he didn't, she would probably fall asleep any second.

"Did she puke on you?" the girl named Kat asked when he had made his way back to Caroline.

"No, I left the privileged to her hubby."

"Caroline just told me how you two met" Kat said.

Stefan smile politely and tried to catch Caroline's eye. She looked away. He wondered what she had said. Probably something from a chick flick. Maybe he was in a band and she was a groupie. He would ask her later.

"Hi darling" a man said.

It was Jason. Stefan had spoken to him for a second earlier. He seemed nice enough, even if his suit probably cost more than Stefan's car.

"Hi dear" Kat replied, kissing him.

"How 'bout a dance?" he asked.

"I'm good. But Caroline might be up for it."

Caroline shook her head.

"I can't dance" she said quickly. "Well, not waltz or whatever it is."

Jason smiled.

"Don't worry. I'll lead."

She looked pained as he led her onto the dance floor. Stefan smiled.

…

"So, a road trip?" Kat asked.

"Excuse me?"

"Caroline told me that you two fell in love on a road trip. That's very romantic. Jason and I met a work meeting, very boring."

Stefan smiled politely. Caroline had told the truth. No, he corrected himself. Not the truth. They weren't in love. But she had taken events from their life. Maybe she had just done it make it easier for him, he didn't have to lie.

"Yeah" he replied, he didn't know what else to say.

"She's really something."

Stefan sighed. Caroline was giggling, holding onto Jason and trying to look like she knew what she was doing. He felt the tingle of something again.

"She really is."

"You really love her, don't you?"

He looked away. Away from Caroline. Away from Kat. He nodded.

"I can tell. She really loves you too, she couldn't keep her eyes off you."

Stefan stole a look at Caroline. Her beautiful dress moved as she danced with Jason.

"I always feel like being with husband when I see that kind of love" Kat said. "I'm going to steal him back from your wife."

Stefan nodded. He felt strange. He needed some fresh air.

"Want to go out for a bit?" he asked Caroline when she reached him.

She nodded.

…

Caroline felt hot as she sat down on the green bench. The estate had its own lake. She wondered if they had built it or if it was natural. It looked nice in the moonlight. She wanted to dip her feet in the cold water.

"You okay?" she asked.

Stefan had looked more worried that usual.

"Yeah" he breathed. "Just needed some air."

She nodded.

"Kat's nice."

"She seems great."

Caroline nodded. She didn't know what to do. Something had changed between them, she could tell. It was tension. And she didn't understand it.

"Are you cold?" he asked.

She shook her head, but he removed his jacket anyway and placed around her shoulders. She didn't object. She liked having his smell on her.

¨You told her about the road trip" he said softly.

Caroline tilted her head.

"Yeah. It just seemed easier."

"Easier, how?"

"Easier than coming up with some story."

"No" he said. "I don't buy that, Care. You're good a lying, good at improvising. You made a couple in Nashville believe that we were looking for a departed mother, but you can't make up some love story?"

She watched him carefully. He didn't look worried, she realized. He looked something else, she had never seen this look on his face before.

"Julie and Bill were easy, they wanted to buy that story. Kat wouldn't have believe if I told her that we met at the grocery store and you immediately fell in love with me and we kissed by the milk."

"Why not?" he replied quickly.

His stare was so intense that she had to blink. His face was sharp in this light. She wanted to touch him.

"Because people like you, don't fall in love with people like me."

Silence fell between them. Caroline stood up. The jacket fell off her. She just couldn't stand that statement, the truth of it. She needed to get away. Maybe they should just go home right now, not to their guest room, but to Mystic Falls. Elena was single again. She and Stefan would get back together. Caroline could throw them a engagement party. Everything could be just like before. Before Caroline had fallen in love with him.

"Who do people like me fall in love with?" he asked.

He stood up too and handed her the jacket. She took and slipped her bare arm into the soft sleeves

"People like Elena."

They hadn't said her name out loud in so many weeks that it felt weird. They had ignored her existence, but she was always there. She could tell that by the look on Stefan's face. Caroline wanted to scream.

"Sorry" she whispered. "I shouldn't have brought her up."

"It's okay."

"No, I'm sorry. I keep messing up."

"No, Care" he said. "You're doing everything right."

He leaned in and kissed her. Caroline didn't understand, but she kissed him back. She wrapped herself around him and let her mouth meet his. She didn't get why, but he was kissing her and she was far too in love with him to stop.


	9. never going back again

His fingers trembled as they unzipped her dress. It fell to the floor and lay beneath her. Her skin was creamy and soft. He touched it, let his fingertips dance over her back, her neck and hair. She breathed in short breaths. Stefan kissed her throat. He felt his face change, his fangs came out and his first reaction was to draw back, to calm down, but she pulled him in. He didn't need to be careful with her. He could just be himself. He let his fangs scratch her lip, he felt her tongue licking away the blood. The wound healed quickly. _He could be himself with her._ She pulled him onto the huge bed. It squeaked under their weight. Caroline's blonde hair was everywhere, he fought through it to find her face. He kissed her mouth and her cheeks and her chin. He kissed her throat again, her chest, her stomach, her inner thigh. For the first time in forever, he felt completely human. Full of lust and feelings so bright it hurt. He looked up at her face, saw her fangs glimmer. It made him smile. Then he pulled off her underwear.

…

Caroline woke up as the sun hit her eyes. She felt his skin against hers. She felt his hand around her waist. She felt her leg entwined with his. She opened her eyes. He still slept soundly. She leaned in and carefully kissed his forehead. If life was easy, she would wake him and do a reprise of last night. But no, life wasn't easy. Life was hard. And the moment Stefan would wake up, he would freak out. So Caroline closed her eyes and just _felt_. She remembered last night. Feeling him touching her, kissing her. Feeling him inside her. And then falling asleep in his arms. It had been the best night of her life. But she knew that today would hurt.

…

"I need to leave" he said.

She opened her eyes. She had fallen asleep again.

"Leave?"

"I'm going to visit some friends."

She could tell that he was lying.

"Okay" she said slowly.

He stood by the door, holding his bag. He was about to leave her.

"I'll be back in a couple of days. I'm sure you can stay here."

She nodded. He left. Caroline broke into tears. She pulled the covers over her face and wept until there were no tears left.

…

"Stefan?"

Stefan hadn't heard his brother's voice in weeks. And for a second, he allowed himself to miss him. Just for a second.

"Yeah" he said gruffly.

"I've been calling you…" Damon began.

"Shut up."

"What?"

"Just shut up."

Stefan sat in his car. He had no idea where he was or where he was going. It rained. He felt confused.

"What is it?" Damon asked.

He had dropped his entire normal sarcastic drawl.

"I need to talk to you about something" Stefan said calmly. "I don't want to talk about Elena and I don't want to even mention her."

"Okay" Damon said slowly.

"I have no one else to turn to."

"I'm your brother" Damon huffed. "You can tell my _anything_."

His tone was ironic, but it didn't matter.

"I did something stupid."

"You killed someone?"

"No."

"Okay, then it can't be that bad."

"I slept with Caroline."

Damon snorted.

"Been there, brother."

"Shut up."

Stefan hid his face in his hands.

"To be honest, I don't really see the issue" Damon drawled. "Sometimes people get drunk and mess up. It doesn't have to mean anything."

"I wasn't drunk."

Damon was silent for a few seconds.

"Well, you two have spent a lot of time together. It's not that strange that you ended up in bed, is it?"

"Maybe not."

"Where is she now?"

"In a town where I left her."

"And where are _you_?" Damon asked.

"I don't really know. I've been driving for six hours."

Silence fell again. Maybe this was a bad idea. What did Damon know about these things?

"You panicked?" Damon asked carefully.

"Yes."

"Why?"

Stefan tilted his head back against the head rest. His limbs ached after sitting still for so long.

"I ruined it."

"Ruined what?"

"The only good thing."

"Caroline?"

"Yeah. I'm only happy when I'm with her. But now, I screwed that up."

"Maybe you can just act like it didn't happen. I mean, if it didn't mean anything…"

He trailed off. Stefan stared into the rain. He hated himself.

"Or, it did mean something?" Damon asked.

"I don't know."

He wanted to hang up now. He wanted to think.

"Look, Stefan, about…"

"Don't. Just don't. I need to go."

"When are you coming home?"

"I don't know if I am."

And he hung up.

…

Caroline pulled on a rain coat and went to explore the huge grounds. It was mid-day now, but because of the rain, she didn't see anyone. She walked to bench near the lake. She wanted to throw up.

"Hey!" someone called.

She turned and for a second, she actually believed that it was Stefan. But it wasn't, it was Jason. Kat's husband.

"Hi" she replied, pulling down her hood to conceal her red eyes.

"We had good luck with the weather" Jason said cheerily. "Wouldn't have been much fun getting married in his downpour."

Caroline shook her head. She never ever had problems speaking with people. Actually, she loved it. But today, she was exhausted.

"Where's your husband?"

She wanted to throw up again.

"He had to leave, business. He drove off this morning."

"So you don't have a car?"

Caroline shook her head.

"And no place to stay?"

"No."

"You can stay in the guest room if you want" he offered.

"Thank you."

She met his eyes. She doubted there was even an ounce of evil in him.

"Sure. Wanna walk with me?"

She hesitated, but nodded.

"Marissa and Patrick left for Bahamas this morning, both so hung-over they wanted to postpone it" he told her.

Caroline smiled. She hadn't seen Marissa since she had been draped over Stefan, but she had been pretty out of it.

"Do you like him?" she asked. "Your sister's husband?"

Jason shrugged.

"He's a nice guy."

"Do you think they'll stay together forever?"

Jason looked at her in a peculiar way.

"I don't know" he answered. "Who does?"

She nodded. He was right, of course. Caroline had always thought that Stefan and Elena would be together forever. But, on the other hand, they might. Stefan might be driving back to Mystic Falls right now.

"And are you okay?" he asked carefully. "You seem upset."

She shook her head.

"Just tired."

He nodded.

"Caroline, I going to the store. You need anything?"

She shook her head.

"No, thanks anyway."

He nodded, squeezed her shoulder and left. She stood, watching after him, feeling alone.

…

Back in her room, Caroline turned her phone on. She had twelve text messages, she deleted them without reading them. She had 47 missed calls, 20 from Bonnie, 12 from Elena and the rest from Damon and her mother. None from Stefan. She hadn't realized that she had, but she had hoped that he called. But no, nothing. Not a sound. She was all alone. She had no one to call.

She almost dropped the phone as it began ringing in her hand. The display read MATT. Matt. Wonderful Matt that Damon had hurt. She answered without a second thought.

"Wow" he said. "Didn't think that you would pick up. Bonnie told me that you never do."

"I just turned the phone on."

His voice soothed her.

"It's good to hear your voice" he said."I've missed you."

Caroline nodded, trying not to cry.

"I've missed you too" she croaked.

"You okay, Care?"

"Yeah" she lied. "You're not, though. I heard that Damon hurt you."

Matt sighed.

"Well, yes. He did."

"How are you?"

"Elena made him feed me his blood, so I'm okay now."

Caroline nodded to herself. Matt was okay. Thank God.

"Good" she whispered.

"Are you crying?" he asked gently.

"No."

Tears ran down her face, but she ignored them.

"Care, maybe you should come home."

"I can't. I don't have a car."

"I thought you were with Stefan?"

"I was."

"And what happened?"

She didn't answer. She didn't want to talk about it. She didn't want to mess everything up even more.

"Care, you can tell me."

"I just messed up."

"How? Did you fight?"

"Something like that."

"And where is he?"

"I don't know. He just left."

"Stefan just left?"

Matt looked astonished. Caroline had to agree, Stefan wasn't the type to just leave her.

"How are things at home?" she asked, to change the subject.

"Fine" he replied. "I guess you heard about Damon and Elena?"

"Yes."

"Did you tell Stefan?"

"No."

"Why not?"

_Because I love him. Because I was scared he would go back to Mystic Falls. And leave me. Just like he did now._

"I wasn't my place."

"Okay."

"Matt?"

"Yeah."

"Please don't tell Bonnie or Elena that we talked. I just can't deal with them right now."

"Okay."

She dried her face with a towel and stared at herself in the mirror. She looked terrible.

"I'll call again" she lied.

"Bye."

…

Stefan drove and drove. He stopped for gas, but nothing else. He didn't hunt, he didn't sleep. He just drove. He had finally decided to go to Dallas and visit Lexi's friends. It was better than driving on endless roads in the rain. At least, he had a goal. After a few hours, he got sick of the radio commercials and turned on the CD-player. They hadn't been driving for a few days prior to this random trip, but the _Rumors _began playing as if they had just turned it off. The track was "Never going back again". He had never paid a lot of attention to it before, but today he played over and over again. He had never felt so empty.

_She broke down and let me in__  
>Made me see where I've been<em>

_Been down one time  
>Been down two times<br>I'm never going back again_

…

"Stefan Salvatore" the oldest vampire said. "Never thought I'd see you again."

Stefan grinned feebly.

"Henrietta" he greeted her.

Behind her stood James, Vincent and Clara. It been over 30 years since he had last seen them. But they hadn't changed at all, of course, and neither had he.

"What brings you to the south?" Vincent asked.

He was handsome with dark eyes and deep features.

"Needed a change."

"Tired of that brother of yours?" Clara asked.

Damon was infamous.

"Yeah."

He sat down in a sofa and was served warm blood. He politely declined, he had hunted on the way. He looked around. Vincent, Clara, Henrietta and James had lived together for almost a hundred years in this light-proof house. They had no special rings that allowed them to go out into the sun. Stefan quickly looked down onto his finger. His ring was still on his left ring finger, like it was his marriage ring. He stared it for almost minute before he removed it and placed it on his right hand.

…

"Matt?"

Stefan was woken the next day, the third after he had left, by his phone. Matt was calling. Stefan had nothing against Matt, but he doubted if they had even spoken in the last year. He didn't even know that Matt had his number.

"Hey Stefan. What's up?"

Stefan yawned quietly and sat up in the bed he had been sleeping in. It was 4 PM in the afternoon. These vampires slept all day, Stefan had been tired enough to sleep too.

"Nothing" he said. "How are you?"

Matt didn't answer the question, instead he completely switched topics.

"I spoke to Caroline yesterday" he said.

"Oh."

Stefan felt guilt. He shouldn't have left her. He shouldn't have abandoned her in some crappy town. He was the worst friend.

"She was upset."

Stefan didn't know what to say.

"Was she?"

Matt cleared his throat.

"Look, I've known Care since we were kids and I really, really care for her."

"I know" Stefan began, but Matt cut him off.

"I don't know what you two fought about, but she needs you. And you need to go back and take care of her. I think you owe her that, after all she has done to you."

Stefan bit his lip.

"It's not that easy" he said, trying to sound matter of fact.

"Why not? What did you fight about that was so bad that you can't make up?"

Stefan swallowed.

"Nothing" he murmured.

"Right" Matt said happily.

Stefan turned the phone off without saying goodbye. He lay down on the bed again. He wished it would be that easy.

…

_Thank God for Kat and Jason_, Caroline thought multiple times over the following days. They had unceremoniously taken her under their wing. Maybe the suspected something was wrong, maybe they were just wonderful people. They fed her food that she didn't really need, but that tasted wonderful. When the weather cleared up, they took her swimming in the lake. Kat loaned her books that Caroline read in the grass, her feet in the cool water. At night, they played cards or drank wine on the patio. They didn't ask anything about Stefan. She was thankful for that.

But at night, when Kat and Jason lay bundled together in the master suite, Caroline stared into the ceiling. She felt alone. She was a girl who spent most nights of her life alone, her mother had often had the nightshift and her father was never around. She was used to being alone, to making herself busy. But she had never felt like this. From being with Stefan every minute of every day, to nothing, was a big leap. And it hurt. And it hurt even more that he left. Even if Caroline had never really expected him to love her back, something in her had hoped he would stay. But no, he was gone and she was stranded in some crappy town. _Thank God for Kat and Jason._

…

"Do you know where there's a bus station?" she asked on the fourth day.

"You want to go home?" Kat asked kindly.

Caroline nodded. She had thought it through. Even though she didn't want to see Bonnie or Elena, it was better than being alone. Being patronized and treated like a disobedient puppy was better than being alone. Everything was better than being alone. And Matt was at home. She missed something that she could rely on. She had been lying to herself for such a long time. Maybe weeks, maybe more. Maybe she had been in love with Stefan when she asked him to come with her. Maybe she was the most selfish person.

"There's one in the next town" Kat said.

Caroline nodded.

"Great."

She could take a bus to somewhere that would take her to somewhere that would lead home.

"Won't Stefan come and get you?"

She shook her head.

"I don't think so."

Kat tilted her head to one side.

"You aren't really married, are you?"

Caroline smiled.

"No."

"Do you even know Marissa?"

"No."

Kat giggled.

"Then who are you?"

"We just wanted to crash a wedding" Caroline admitted.

She was leaving them anyway and Kat didn't seem to be angry.

"So, you just made up that story about the road trip?"

"No" Caroline said. "No, it's true. Except the falling in love part."

She smiled again, but it was weak smile.

"But you love him."

"I know."

"And he loves you!"

Caroline shook her head.

"No" she said. "He loves Elena."


	10. i took my love and i took it down

_(first of all, i just want to thank all of you! _

_the other day, i read someone on tumblr talking about how this story had a lot "pointless dialogue" and wasn't very good in some other ways. and it really got to me and i wasn't feeling at all like finishing this at all._

_but then i read through all the wonderful reviews you have all written and it made me feel so much better. you are all such perfect people and why should i care what one person thinks when you make feel happy?_

_so i just wanted to thank you! i love you! 3) _

* * *

><p>Vincent sat down next to Stefan, he had two girls with him, both human. One had red hair and fair skin, the other was African-American.<p>

"Girls" Vincent drawled. "Meet our guest, Stefan Salvatore."

Stefan smiled. He felt the girls' looks at him, their twinkling eyes.

"Hi" the red head said. "I'm Karen."

He nodded. She sat down on the other side of Stefan. She wore tight dress and had had too much to drink. Stefan thought of Douglas at the bar, he who had flirted with Caroline. And then he thought of Matt. It wasn't Matt's place to figure this out. And why had Caroline told him everything? Matt had nothing to do with this. Just because he _cared very much _about her didn't mean that he was her boyfriend.

"You look troubled" Karen said and stroked his cheek.

"He's the broody type" Vincent sneered.

Stefan rolled his eyes. He wasn't in the mood for this. He wasn't in the mood for giggle girls or the arrogant Vincent. He wasn't in the mood for anything.

"Excuse me" he murmured and got up.

He head Karen let out an affronted huff as he left, but he didn't care.

"Not enjoying yourself, Stef?" Clara asked.

She was tiny and skinny with huge, blue eyes. Stefan knew that she had been Lexi's closest friend of these four.

"No, sorry."

She patted his arm.

"Is it about the girl?"

"What girl?"

"Lexi told me that you started seeing a girl, a human."

"Oh" Stefan mumbled. "No, this isn't about her."

Clara nodded. She understood that he didn't want to talk about it. He felt grateful when she left him alone.

…

"I'm going to pick her up in Memphis" Matt's voice insisted.

Stefan shook his head. He couldn't understand his own anger against Matt. He just didn't want him near Caroline.

"No" he said.

"Yes, I am" Matt said, sounding confused and stern at the same time. "She's taking a bus in the morning and I'm picking her up in Memphis. I just called to tell you that you don't have to worry about her anymore."

_As if you would_. Stefan heard the unspoken words in Matt's tone.

"I'll drive her home" Stefan said.

"Look, she's upset."

"Matt, did she tell me what I did?"

"No, but…"

"So just stay out of it. Please. I will drive and pick her up in the morning. I'll take her home. _Okay?_"

The other end of the phone line was quiet for a few seconds.

"Okay" Matt echoed.

Stefan swallowed. He felt clammy and annoyed. And he didn't even know why.

"I know you're looking out for her, but I will handle this."

"Okay" Matt repeated.

Stefan hung up. He leaned against the wall and tried to breathe evenly. Inside the room, Vincent was groping Karen.

…

Stefan knocked on the huge door of the Birch Mansion. Kat opened. Why was she still here?

"Stefan!" she exclaimed happily.

He smiled. He was tired as hell after driving all night.

"Is Caroline here? I couldn't find her in the guest house."

Kat bit her lip. She looked younger in this gray hoodie and worn out jeans, than in her blue ball gown.

"Jason drove her to the station in Burwood just a few minutes ago" she answered as she surveyed his face closely.

"Shit. When was her bus leaving?"

Kat checked watch.

"Fifteen minutes."

"Thanks" Stefan said hastily.

He tried to close the door, but Kat kept it open.

"She told me, about the crashing of the wedding and pretending to be married."

"Really?" Stefan asked, feeling stress.

"I think you broke her heart."

He stopped. The stress left his body and was replaced with pain. He never, ever wanted to hurt Caroline.

"I need to catch her before she leaves" he said.

Kat nodded.

"Yeah. I think you do."

This time she closed the door in his face. Stefan ran to his car.

…

He spotted her immediately and parked the car across the street. She stood with her back to him, her bag on the ground and the wonderful dress in one of those bags you get at the drycleaners. The wind blew in her hair and as Stefan approached, she put it up in a ponytail.

"Care" he said.

She didn't stir.

"Caroline" he tried again.

She turned to face him. He took a step back. Her face was hard. He had never seen her face like this before. Not when she had fought with her mother or been humiliated by father or anything. Her eyes were slits, her lips tight.

"I'm going home" she said.

He was relieved to hear her voice break. She wasn't entirely closed off.

"I'll take you" he whispered.

She shook her head.

"No" she said. "I need to be alone. No, that's not true. I'm going home so that I can avoid being alone. I just can't be with you right now."

"I shouldn't have left. I'm sorry."

She nodded, like she had known he would say this.

"What's the point?" she asked, a sarcastic edge he had never heard before in her voice.

"What's the point of what?"

"You and me. I just don't get it."

"You're my best friend."

"They broke up" she spat. "Damon and Elena. Weeks ago."

He closed his eyes. The shock made him forget how to breathe. They had broken up. Why? Because of him? Because of something else?

"You should go home. To her" Caroline whispered.

Stefan saw that she had clenched her fists her side. It made her look like kid. He wanted to hold her until she was fine again.

"Caroline, listen to me."

She shook her head.

"It's not your fault. It's not your fault that you love her. But I need you to leave now."

As bus stopped in front of Caroline. Stefan turned to look at it, its sign read MEMPHIS.

"Matt isn't coming" he said. "I told him not to."

"My dad can pick me up."

"Please" Stefan begged. "Please, just come with so that we can _talk_."

She shook her head.

"I'm sorry. Maybe some other time."

And then she heaved her bag into the luggage compartment and went aboard the bus.

…

"Babe" Lukas Forbes said. "I'm here!"

Caroline smiled. She had been on a bus for fourteen hours and was stiff as a tree branch. She had called her dad and asked him to pick her up. To her surprise, he had agreed instantly.

"Thanks" she said, when he took her bag and put into the boot of the car.

"Sure, darling."

She sat down in the passenger's seat. A bus would leave for Mystic Falls in the morning. She would just stay the night with her father. It wasn't that bad.

"School's starting soon, huh?" he said.

She nodded.

"Yeah."

He didn't ask about Stefan. Caroline was thankful. Maybe her dad had more tact than she had credited him for.

"Thanks for letting me stay the night" she said.

"Sure thing, honey."

It was august and school was starting soon. She could bury herself in activities. She could aim for A's in every subject. She could spend more time with Matt. She would get through this. Her life didn't revolve around some stupid boy.

…

As soon as Caroline stepped out of the car, she spotted him. He sat on the porch, looking tense and tired. She stopped.

"What is he doing here?" she asked.

"Oh, it's a surprise."

Caroline shook her head. This was fucking unbelievable. She left her dad to carry her bag and stormed towards the house. Stefan had stood up.

"We need to talk" he said.

She closed her eyes for second, swallowing hard.  
>"Okay."<br>Her father passed them, looking so happy it made Caroline embarrassed.

"It's so good to see you again" he said.

Caroline smiled, but she was sure he didn't mean her. He meant Stefan. Oh well. Could she really blame him?

"_I'm so sorry_" Stefan whispered as soon as Lukas Forbes had entered the house.  
>Caroline sat down on the porch swing. It was blazing hot today. It reminded her of that day in Nashville, sipping lemonade on Julie's porch.<p>

"I know you are" she said, her tone flat.

"I just freaked out."

She nodded. She understood, she wasn't stupid. If she had slept with Matt or Damon or whoever by mistake, she would have freaked out too.

"I shouldn't have just left" he continued.

"No" she agreed. "No, you shouldn't."

He sat down next to her. She saw him wringing his hands, she placed one of hers over his, making them lay still. She felt nervous just watching him being nervous.

"With everything that's going on, I just couldn't handle it" he explained hurriedly. "I just didn't want things to become complicated."

Too late. Too _fucking_ late.

"Okay" Caroline said.

She closed her eyes again. Why wasn't this easy? Why couldn't she just be mad at him?

"I miss you, Care. Please, let me drive you home."

"I don't want to go home" she said, surprising herself with the truth of it.

She wasn't ready for going back to school. For tension and making up with Bonnie and seeing her mother. She just wasn't ready.

"You wanna stay _here_?" Stefan asked, sounding doubtful.

"No" Caroline said firmly. "Not doing that mistake again."

Stefan smiled a tiny smile and she smiled any even tinier back. It made him relax, she could tell.

"How about we make the most of what's rest" he suggested. "Let's drive to Dallas, stay there for a few days and then you can go home."

"Stay with your vampire buddies?"

He shrugged.

"If you like to."

She thought it over for about six seconds. She probably shouldn't go with him. She would probably get hurt again.

"Okay."

…

Stefan tilted his seat back a little and closed his eyes. He felt some kind of peace. The same peace he always felt when he was with Caroline. She wasn't talking much so neither did he. They were listening to the Fleetwood Mac album as usual. Outside, night was coming. They had been driving for six hours.

"You want to sleep for a while?" he asked.

She shook her head, keeping her eyes on the road as she drove. It had been one of her conditions, she wanted to drive. He didn't mind.

"How long have you known?" he asked carefully. "About Damon and Elena."

He saw her face twitch. Her eyes never left the road.

"Damon called when we were in Little Rock" she answered, her tone cold again.

Stefan knew that he shouldn't ask her about it, but he couldn't help himself. He needed to know.

"Why did it end?"

She turned to face him, finally. Her eyes were hard, Stefan felt himself tense again.

"He tried to kill Matt."

He could see the pain in her face and he could feel no pity for Matt. It scared him. Stefan wasn't used to feel this resentful against anyone.

"He's okay now, though" Stefan said.

"Yeah."

She turned away from him again. The road was dark and empty. Stefan counted to two hundred.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked, softly.

Her face twitched again, as if he had slapped her. He regretted his question.

"I tried to protect you" she whispered.

He nodded. It didn't really make sense, but he wasn't going to push the subject. Not right now. Not when he just convinced her to forgive him. Instead he watched her. Her hair was up in a loose bun on her head, she looked exhausted. He remembered kissing her. He remembered loving it. He remembered feeling human for the first time in 145 years.

…

Dawn was peaceful and Caroline stretched out in the grass. She sipped her last blood bag and longed for a shower. But they weren't there yet. Six or seven hours left to Dallas. Matt texted her to check that everything was okay. She replied that it was. That was a lie. Everything wasn't okay. She still loved her best friend more than she should. And he still didn't love her back.

"You turned your phone back on" Stefan commented.

He sat in the grass, reading a dog eared paperback novel.

"Yeah" she replied.

"Who keeps texting you?"

"Matt. He's just checking in."

Stefan nodded, his jaw clenching.

"Alright."

She wondered if she could tell him that Matt had told her that Elena had been moping all summer. That Matt was pretty sure she wanted Stefan back. Maybe she should tell him. But she had become so good at keeping things from him that she might as well keep it up. He'd realize soon enough anyway. Or, would he?

"Are you staying in Dallas?" she asked. "I mean, you aren't coming back to Mystic Falls?"

"I don't know."

She nodded, but she knew that he would come back. She knew him, she could tell by the tone in his voice. He couldn't stay away if there was the slightest chance that Elena would want him back.

…

"Do you still have feelings for him?"

Caroline looked up at him, feeling confused. They were back in the car.

"For who?"

"Matt."

She checked to see if he is serious. Was he really that oblivious? How could she have feeling for Matt when she loved Stefan?

"No" she said. "Why would you think that?"

He shrugged.

"You called him."

"No" she corrected him. "He called me."

They're not the same, she can tell. She doesn't feel as natural with him anymore. Maybe because she has seen him naked. Maybe because he has disappointed her for the first time.

"Why didn't you tell him what I did?" he asked.

Caroline focused her eyes on a blue van in front of her. She knew that Stefan was staring intently at her.

"I didn't want him to think badly of you."

"Why not?"

"Because you're my friend."

"You should have told him. I don't deserve to be protected like that."

Caroline stole quick look at him. He looked sad, no, troubled. Like he had a super heavy weight on his shoulders. She wanted to stroke his face and relief his burden. But she couldn't. Because even if she did it just like a friend, it would mean more than just some friendly comfort.

"I also didn't want to tell him about who I sleep with" she continued, trying to sound perky. "I don't kiss and tell."

At first, Stefan said nothing. Then he exploded with laughter. She didn't understand why. It wasn't even a joke, but he kept laughing. And after a while, she joined in. She didn't know what she laughing at, she just loved laughing with Stefan. She loved feeling her abs ache and her mouth spread across her whole face.

"Oh god" Stefan croaked.

"You're weird" she whispered, drying a tear from her eye.

She felt him punch her shoulder, she pinched his skin hard. He tickled her until she had to pull over the car in a very illegal way. She felt his fingers on her bare skin, it gave her goose bumps. Caroline tried to push his hands off her and because she had had human blood, she succeeded. She began pinching him all over. He leaned back as far as he could from her, shouting that it _actually_ hurt. She giggled. Stefan's skin was soft and hot under her fingers. She lifted his shirt and touched his stomach. It was all good fun, right? Nothing else. But suddenly she wasn't pinching him and suddenly he wasn't trying to get away from her. She was stroking his skin, slowly and carefully. Her brain felt slow. She couldn't think.

"Step out of the vehicle" a voice suddenly roared.

And they both jumped.

…

The cop had terrible sunburned skin and was in a crappy mode.

"You're not allowed to park here" he snapped.

"We're sorry" Caroline apologized.

She tried to smile, but it felt fake. Her body was here ,but her mind was still in the car. She couldn't control herself around Stefan. It terrified her.

"I'm going to have to write you a ticket" the cop continued.

Caroline sighed.

"No, you won't" she said, staring into his eyes.

His pupils dilated for a millisecond.

"Of course not" he smiled.

"Thank you so much."

He mimicked her nod, looking absolutely insane. Stefan stood behind Caroline. She could feel him there. Her body was so aware of his. Had it always been like this?

"You be safe, kids" the cop continued.

"You know it" Caroline yawned.

She waved half-heartedly as he left and got into the car next to his very confused partner. She watched them drive off. She didn't dare turn to Stefan, didn't dare see his face.

"How about I drive for a while?" he asked.

She nodded against the road.

"Sure."

"Only a few hours left."

She nodded again. Her voice didn't seem stable enough to use for longer sentences just yet. Her blood was still pumping hard. His skin. His skin had done this to her.

"Let's go then" she mumbled, walking past him without looking up.

She got in at the passenger seat, closed the door and shut her eyes. This was a bad idea. She should have gone home. _This was a bad idea._

…

"This is Caroline" Stefan said.

He put a hand on her shoulder, but then quickly removed it. Touching her didn't feel normal anymore. Touching her meant _lust _now.

"Oh, how wonderful" Vincent purred.

He took Caroline's hand and kissed it. She smiled faintly.

"Nice to meet you" Clara said.

It was evening and they had finally made it to Dallas. Caroline looked tired, even though she had slept the last few hours. Stefan felt jumpy. He needed a drink.

"We've heard about you" Harriet said, winking. "Lexi told me about how Stefan fell in love with you. But I always got the picture you were human…"

"Oh" Caroline yelped. "No, that's not me."

Stefan swallowed. Elena followed him wherever he went.

"Not you?" Harriet asked, looking confused.

"No, not me" Caroline mumbled.

Harriet and Clara exchanged a look. Vincent beamed.

"Good for me, miss Caroline. If you're not Stefan's girl, do you mind if I get you a drink?"

Stefan rolled his eyes.

"Sure" Caroline smiled. "Wine, please."

Vincent disappeared the fetch it. Caroline put her bag on the floor. Her suitcase looked frayed and old now. A few weeks ago, it had been almost new. So much had changed.

"Let's go out" Clara exclaimed. "There's this new club, just a few blocks away."

"We're kind of knackered…" Stefan began.

"Yes, let's go" Caroline cut him off. "Just let me have some wine and get dressed."

Clara clapped her hands in pleasure.

"I like you" she giggled.

Caroline smiled. Stefan rolled his eyes again. Who didn't like Caroline?

…

The club was loud and dark and Caroline felt drunk. She had downed three glasses of wine and a drink that Vincent had bought her. She wore a flimsy summer dress, it didn't suit the club, but she didn't care. She twirled with her hands above her head, her eyes closed. Two guys had tried to dance with her, but she had ignored them. She opened her eyes an inch to spot Stefan. He stood by the bar, looking bored and checking his phone. Maybe he had called _her_. Maybe he was just checking the time. Caroline tried hard not to care.

"Hello darling" Vincent drawled.

He was attractive, she guessed. With dark hair and brown eyes and sharp features. He had been maybe thirty when he had died (whenever that had been). And he liked her. Or her body. Or something.

"Dance with me" she giggled, pulling at his arms.

He only smirked.

"No, thanks."

She let go of him and shrugged. Over his shoulder, she saw that Stefan had put his phone down. He was frowning at Vincent.

"Kiss me then" she whispered.

Vincent didn't hesitate. His lips were hard and she felt his fangs against her lip. His tongue made itself into her mouth, she closed her eyes again. He pushed her against a wall, Caroline just followed his movements. He wanted her. She wanted someone to want her.

"You danced enough for tonight, don't you think?" he murmured.

She nodded and kissed him again. He holstered one of her legs around his waist. She could feel his erection against her thigh. He wanted her. Someone wanted her. His kisses became more intense and he began thrusting against her. She kissed him back.

"Maybe we should go home" he purred.

"Yes" she whispered back.

But they didn't move. Instead Vincent stuck his hands under her dress and unlatched her bra. He pushed the straps off and it fell to the floor. The dress rode up to her waist as he massaged her breasts, a bit too roughly.

"Hey" a voice barked.

She opened her eyes and looked right into Stefan's eyes. She closed hers again.

"Hey, what?" Vincent asked, he sounded smug and hadn't removed his hands from her chest.

"Caroline, you're wasted, I'll get you home."

She shook her head.

"She's a big girl, Stefan. Let her take care of herself."  
>"She's drunk."<p>

"She's having a good time!"

Vincent kissed her again. Caroline opened her eyes. Stefan looked livid. She almost felt fear as her eyes swept over his handsome face

"Why do you care?" she whispered hoarsely.

She pushed Vincent's hand off her and pulled her dress down. She felt anger now. Her whole body pulsed with anger.

"You're my friend. I don't want you to get hurt" Stefan said.

"How can I get hurt?" she asked, her voice ice cold. "I don't care about Vincent so he can't break my heart. I can't get an STD, I can't get pregnant."

"I don't want you to regret anything."

Caroline felt like slapping him.

"Because you have so much experience of that, right? Sleeping with people and then regretting it?"

He shook his head at her.

"You're drunk."

"So what?"

Vincent cleared his throat.

"Stefan, maybe you should go home" he suggested.

"I'm not leaving without her."

"Find your own girl, Stef. She's mine."

Stefan pushed Vincent hard in the chest. Vincent had some drinks too and had to grab Caroline's arm not to fall. She shook herself free and he fell the floor.

"Leave me alone" she spat at both at them.

…

The street was quiet. The music from the club was only a faint _thump _here. Caroline sat down on the pavement, hugging herself. How did everything get this fucked?

"Care" he whispered.

She didn't turn, she would recognize that voice anywhere. He sat down next to her.

"Leave me alone."

"Don't you get it?" Stefan whispered. "I can't."

She carefully raised her gaze to meet his. His face was soft now. She stroked his cheek with the back of her hand. She felt him shiver. He leaned in and kissed her. His lips were soft and careful and strong and confident. She wrapped her arms around his neck, ruffling his hair and kissing her soft spot between neck and shoulder. He brought her mouth back to his. She kept her eyes open so that she could see him as well as feel him.

"Let's go home" she whispered.

He pulled her to her feet. She suddenly felt sober. As sober as she had ever felt. A cab stopped before them and they got in. Caroline reached for him again and felt pleasure as felt his body next to her. They could have run home, but kissing the cab was better. The night was turning to morning and the cab driver was playing Fleetwood Mac's lead singer Stevie Nick's song, _Landslide_. It was the Dixie Chicks' version, but Caroline didn't care. It was a sign.

_I've been afraid of changing, 'cause I've built my life around you._

…

Her bra still lay on the floor in that club. Getting the dress off wasn't easy, but Stefan figure it out by tearing it apart. She didn't care. She didn't care about anything but him. His hands were all over her and hers were all over his. He smelled just like he had in the guesthouse in Whitehouse. _Shit. Whitehouse. Him walking out._

"I can't do this" Caroline whispered.

Stefan looked down at her. He had been kissing her neck.

"Why not?"

"Because, _I love you_. And if I do this, I might never get over you."

Stefan kissed her mouth, silencing her. She traced his back, his ribs, his back bone. His skin was damp from sweat. She didn't want just anyone to want her anymore. She needed Stefan to love her.

"Then don't" he whispered against her lips. "Don't get over me."

"Don't worry" she whispered back. "I never will."


	11. you're the only one

_(you are all wonderful, wonderful people who take time to write reviews and comments! i can't say how much it means to me. for real!)_

Stefan stepped over the ripped dress and his tangled shirt on his way out of the room. He made no noise, he didn't want to wake her up. He quietly closed the door behind him, leaned against the wall and breathed.

"Hello" he said into the phone. "I just needed to get out of the room."

"Oh, yeah, sure" Damon said.

His tone was still a mixture of confusion and surprise. Stefan wondered how many times Damon had called and no one had picked up. It must have been a shock that Stefan had answered.

"So, what's up?" Stefan asked.

Damon didn't answer immediately and when he did, he sounded cautious.

"Nothing major. I was just wondering when you were coming home."

"Soon, I think" Stefan replied.

"The both of you?"

"Yes."

"That's good" Damon said, awkwardly. "We need to talk."

"I don't think so" Stefan yawned.

"What?"

"Nothing. Yeah, we can talk when I get home."

"You sure? You wanna talk to me?"

"Yeah, why not? You're my brother."

Stefan smiled. Damon cleared his throat.

"Right" he said. "Are you drunk, Stefan?"

Stefan snorted.

"It's 10 PM."

"I know. But you're all… Whatever. Okay. You'll be home soon?"

"Yeah."

Stefan hung up. It had taken him months to finally answer his brother's call. And he felt nothing special. No anger or hurt or pain. He just felt mildly hungry and a bit tired. He hadn't slept much. Slowly, he pressed the door handle down and went back into the guest bedroom. Caroline lay curled up under the white covers. Stefan leaned in and carefully kissed her shoulder. His lips left her skin without a noise and she didn't stir. He soundlessly climbed down next to her and closed his eyes.

…

_He's still here. He's still here. He's still here. _Caroline felt his hand on her hip before she really woke up. Her foot had entwined itself in between his ankles. He was still there. He was still so close to her. She tried to lay still, to not wake him up, but she couldn't. She wanted to see his face. Suddenly she couldn't live another minute if she couldn't see his face, right now. So she turned. And found that he was awake.

"Hey" he whispered.

His face. His sharp jaw and thick eyebrows and perfect nose. He was still there. He was awake, but he hadn't left.

"Hey" she whispered back.

She reached out to touch him, but changed her mind.

"Are you freaking out?" she whispered, trying to sound like it was a joke.

"Yeah" he breathed. "A bit. Aren't you?"

"No" she whispered. "Not really."

At least he hadn't left. He could be freaking out, but he had stayed. Or had he stayed just not to hurt her again?

"You and me, it doesn't scare you?"

"No" she whispered.

Because she loved him. And being with him was always less scary than being alone.

"It scares me" he admitted.

She nodded.

"Okay."

"Because you're the only good thing in my life, Caroline. And if we mess this up, I have nothing."

"I get it."

She tried not to stare at his face. It would distract her into something stupid.

"Do you want to forget this ever happened?" she asked, sounding as nonchalant as she could.

"I think that's impossible."

She nodded and made a movement to get up, he pulled her back.

"Don't leave" he begged.

"I just don't know what to do" she whispered back.

"About what?"

"I can't lay here with you if we're just friends."

Stefan cradled her face. She bit her lip.

"If I saw you as only my friend, do you think I would be freaking out?" he asked.

"Yes" she said. "Yes, because you would regret _this_ but you wouldn't want to hurt me."  
>"Caroline, you confuse me" Stefan whispered as he brushed his fingers over her lips.<p>

It made her shiver.

"I get that a lot" she smiled, trying not to care. "Maybe it's because I talk too much."

He shook her head at her, grinning.

"You make me happy."

"Thanks."

"You make me happy. When I'm around you, I can be myself. I don't have to hide parts of me that I don't like. Everything around you is easy."

Caroline closed her eyes. She didn't know where this would lead. She didn't dare hope.

"And love has never been easy for me, Care. Never. Not with Katherine or Carrie or with Elena. It's always been a struggle."

"So, you don't know if you _love _me or just like being you with me?"

She tried to keep her tone natural, but sarcasm dripped off every syllable.

"No, I'm just saying, this is new to me."

"Okay."

It wasn't like she expected a declaration of love. She shouldn't be so hard on him.

...

"You know when I realized that I really love you?" she whispered bravely.

"No."

"When, for the first time ever, you let me down. When you left me in that room in Whitehouse. You hurt me so bad, but when you turned up at the bus station, I still wanted to be with you."

His eyes were on her face. She felt self-conscious and tried to look away. He wouldn't let her.

"Care…"

"Yeah?"

"I will never let you down again."

…

The other inhabitants of the house would be asleep until nightfall, so Stefan and Caroline had the entire place to themselves. It was both a blessing and a curse. It's hard to go from "I love you" to "let's play XBOX".

"Why do they have all this food?" Caroline asked, her head in the fridge.

"They like to have people over. Like_, real_ people."

Caroline found a cartoon of eggs, a pack of bacon and another one with blueberries. In one of cupboards she found pancake mix. Stefan helped her stack it all on the counter.

"Let's make a real breakfast" she suggested.

Stefan smiled at her.

"Can you cook?" he asked.

"No. Can you?"

"I think I can fry bacon."

"Fabulous."

Stefan watched her crack the eggs into a bowl. Her hair was a tangled mess and she wore a t-shirt that she probably should have been washed a few weeks ago. He could tell she had no idea what she was doing as she poured the eggs into a cold pan.

"Hey" she called out to him. "Get cooking! What are you doing?"

He could tell that he loved her, because he did. She was his friend and he loved her as that more than any other. And maybe he loved her as something else too. Because he wanted to touch her and kiss her and tell her that she was wonderful. But he wasn't sure. And if he wasn't sure, he couldn't risk it. He would never be able to live with himself if he had to hurt her again.

"You know, Care. You need to turn the stove on" he teased her.

She rolled her eyes.

"Like I didn't know…"

He put his hand over hers on the counter. She looked up at him. He stroked her hair out of her eyes and forced it behind her ear.

"You don't want hair in your eggs" he breathed.

She shook her head.

"No, that would be bad."

…

The club was emptier tonight. Clara danced in the middle of the dance floor, surrounded by a dozen guys. Vincent had already disappeared with a girl. Stefan sat at the bar, just like last night, drinking a bear. He wasn't the clubbing type, but Caroline had wanted to go, so he had too. Caroline. She was dancing with Harriet, shaking her head and laughing. They all loved her. Harriet and Clara and Vincent, Vincent actually liked her a bit too much.

Just as he was thinking this, a guy (human) came up to Caroline and Harriet. He began to dance with Caroline, grabbing her hands and moving close to her. Stefan watched with disgust. He felt something inside him. Jealousy. The feeling that he used to feel whenever Elena touched Damon. Stefan got up and made his way over the three people. Harriet beamed up at him and tried to make him dance. He gave her a quick smile and turned to the boy.

"Hey" he said.

And then he stopped. What was he going to say?

"Hey" the boy grinned.

Stefan shook his head at himself.

"Please, don't dance with her" he said, gesturing to Caroline.

"Why not?"

"I'm kind of in love with her and it makes me jealous."

Harriet burst out laughing.

"I KNEW IT" she giggled.

"She your girlfriend?" the boy asked.

"No."

"But you like her?"

"I love her."

Caroline elbowed him.

"You do know that I'm standing right here" she said.

He turned to her.

"Yeah, I know."

He bent down and kissed her. He didn't care that they were people watching or that he was acting crazy.

"How about you, does he love you too?" the boy asked Harriet.

Stefan took Caroline's hand.

"Nope" he smiled. "She's all yours. If she wants you."

Caroline squeezed his hand.

"You wanna go outside?" she whispered

He nodded.

…

"What just happened?" Caroline whispered.

Stefan cupped her face in his hands and kissed her again. Would he ever get tired of kissing her? Ever?

"Last night, I wanted to kill Vincent for kissing you. And now, I wanted beat up that kid for trying to dance with you" Stefan explained. "I don't think friends feel like that about other friends."  
>It was almost morning now. The air was chilly. Stefan handed Caroline his leather jacket. She sniffed it.<p>

"I really love this jacket."

"It looks good on you."

She snorted.

"Yeah, a bit big though."

He zipped it up, all the way to her chin. The jacket was too long and too broad for her. It made her look like child dressing up in her father's clothes.

"I love you" Stefan whispered.

"You sure?"

"Never been so sure about anything."

She rolled her eyes.

"Cheese ball."

He punched her arm.

"Don't ruin the moment."

"Thank god for this leather jacket" Caroline grinned. "You can tickle me through it."

Stefan grabbed her and pulled the zipper down. She shrieked and tried to get away from him. He kissed her neck.

"You never said it back" he whispered against her neck.

"I love you, of course. You already know that."

"Yeah. But it's always nice to hear it."

…

"Are you coming home soon?" Matt asked.

Caroline sat down on a kitchen chair. She wanted to tell him everything. About Stefan loving her back and wanting be with her and how he had made her scones this morning. She wanted to tell him, but she didn't dare. Maybe it would jinx it.

"Yep" she replied, trying to sound calm. "We're leaving Dallas in a minute."

"School starts on Monday."

"Yeah, I know. I'll be there. You know that I would never miss the picnic!"

The picnic on the first day of school was a long and honored tradition of Mystic Falls High School. Caroline had been chief of the organizing two years in row. She wondered who had done it this year.

"So, you okay?" Matt asked slowly.

"Yes" she answered a bit too quickly.

"You and Stefan worked it all out?"

Caroline tilted her head to one side so that she could Stefan through the window. He was loading the car. Without a shirt.

"Care?"

"Oh, yeah. Sorry. Got distracted. Yeah, we worked it out. Everything's fine."

Matt laughed.

"You sound really happy, Care. That's a big difference in a short period of time."

Caroline smiled. Stefan opened the door and entered the house. He fanned himself to show her that it was hot outside. It made him look like southern lady. She giggled.

"I still miss you though" she told Matt, prying her eyes away from Stefan.

"I miss you too."

"Who's that?" Stefan mouthed.

"Matt" she mouthed back.

"Give the phone."

"No."

"Care, what's going on?" Matt asked confused.

Stefan wrestled the phone out of Caroline's hand.

"Hey Matt. It's Stefan. Look, I'm really sorry about how I acted. I was an asshole."

Caroline rolled her eyes. She couldn't hear Matt's reply, but Stefan looked relieved as he handed the phone back to her.

"That was a big mood change" Matt commented.

"I know" Caroline agreed. "Look, we have to get going. But I'll see you soon. And thank you for everything."

"Sure thing. See you."

"You miss Mattie" Stefan asked, in a mocking voice.

"Shut up. He's my friend."

He bent down and kissed her forehead.

"Just your friend, right?" he asked.

She rolled her eyes again.

"No, he's my secret lover."

"And here I was, thinking that was me."

She snorted.

"Let's go home" she said.

"You ready to face everyone? Elena, Bonnie, your mom?"

"I will never be ready to face them."

"It'll be okay" Stefan whispered, kissing her ear. "I got your back."

…

Caroline kept skipping tracks on the _Rumors _album_. _She didn't want to listen to songs about hopeless love like _I don't want to know _or about hurt, like _Never going back again. _She wanted to listen to something happy. Something that matched her mood. In the end she kept replaying one of the happier tracks, _You make loving fun_ for about four hours. Stefan didn't seem to mind or maybe he didn't notice that it was the same song. Caroline actually doubted that this CD had made much of an impression on him. Well, it wasn't for lack of trying. Maybe it just wasn't his thing.

However, even if Caroline felt happy, she still worried (maybe she was turning into Stefan!). In Mystic Falls, there was Elena. The girl that everyone thought that Stefan should be with. And there was Damon, the brother that he ruined everything in so many ways. Mystic Falls wasn't a place of endless bliss. Things always went wrong there and despite that, they were driving home.

And was Stefan really hers? This wasn't kindergarten. You couldn't just ask someone to be your boyfriend. You were supposed to go on dates and kiss in movie theatres and let him drop you off at the door before you became a couple. But Caroline and Stefan hadn't really done the dating thing. He had told her that he loved her and they had slept together and she liked holding his hand. Would it last? Or was she just making a big deal out of nothing?

"Maybe we should run away" she suggested, half-jokingly.

"Isn't that what we've been doing all summer?"

Yes. He was right. Especially on his own part. This road trip had been a way from him to escape.

"Yeah" she agreed.

"It's just one year and then you'll be going to college."

He was right, again. In a year, everything would change, again. They, herself, Bonnie, Elena, Matt, would all go off to different places, different cities, and different states. Maybe this, this puppy love and her fight with Elena, would just seem petty then. In college, maybe you could ask boys if they wanted to go steady. Or you just slept with everything that moved. Caroline had heard that also happened.

"What was your favorite thing about college life?" she asked.

"I liked being with people, staying up and cramming with them, drinking coffee, and beer."

"Sounds like some crappy teen movie."  
>"I thought you loved those" he smiled at her.<p>

She pinched his arm through the thin fabric of his t-shirt. It was good thing he was driving – and in a traffic jam – or he would have tickled her.

"Would you go back to school?" she asked, casually.

"Perhaps" he shrugged.

"There's always more to learn" she agreed. "Right?"

Stefan gave her a look. He knew exactly what she was thinking.

"How about you decide on where you want to go first, before making any other plans?" he suggested.

She groaned and slumped down in her seat. Stefan grinned at her.

"Sometimes you remind me of a toddler" he said, shaking his head.

"Sometimes you remind me of a character in Jane Austen novel."

"Mr. Darcy?" he asked, raising her eyebrow.

"No" she snorted. "You don't really have the dark, quiet, bothered aura. I mean, sometimes you speak like you're ancient."

"I am" he reminded her.

"Touché."

As the traffic jam forced Stefan to stop the car entirely, he leaned over and kissed her cheek. She felt her body temperature rise with about ten degrees.

"This jam is terrible" she babbled. "How about we just quit driving for today?"

She saw Stefan checking his watch. It was 4 PM. He snorted but took the next exit. They found a shabby looking hotel, headed up to their room and were kissing before the door closed behind them.

_You make loving fun,__  
>And I don't have to tell you that you're the only one.<em>


	12. i'm just second hand news

"And we're home" Stefan murmured.

Mystic Falls was dark and empty. It was night and this wasn't Nashville, here people went to sleep at an appropriate hour.

"It looks so small" Caroline whispered.

They passed the school, the park, the church. They drove past Mystic Grill and the town square. No one was out, but Caroline felt like crying anyway. She had dreaded coming back so much, but this was her home. At least for now. All the streets were hers. The people were a part of her. She couldn't just ignore that.

"The picnic's tomorrow" Stefan said.

Caroline nodded.

"I know."

"Are you going?"

She nodded again. She wasn't the type of girl that would miss the picnic.

"I'll pick you up" he offered. "Noon-ish?"

She met his eyes. He wanted to pick her up. So that they could go together.

"Sure."

Stefan parked outside her house. The lights were on in the kitchen, her mother had probably left them on when she went to work.

"This is it, I guess" Stefan smiled.

She smiled back. Suddenly she felt tired, extremely tired. Like she hadn't slept in weeks. Like she wanted to climb into her own bed and sleep for eight hours.

"I guess so" she whispered.

"Thanks, for dragging me along on this crazy trip."

"Anytime."

He kissed her. She kissed him back. They were in Mystic Falls and he still wanted to kiss her.

"You want this?" he asked, ejecting the _Rumors _album.

She shook her head.

"You keep it."

"Alright. Good night then."

"Good night."

…

"Caroline!"

Caroline jumped five feet into the air (or maybe just five inches).

"Shit" she croaked as her mother came towards her in the dark living room.

"You're back?"

"Yep."

Her mother gave her an awkward hug. Caroline couldn't remember when they had hugged before. Liz Forbes wasn't a hugger. At all.

"I've been worried, you didn't call and your phone was turned off" her mother said, her tone serious.

Caroline rolled her eyes. She was close to telling her mother to stop acting like she cared, but stopped herself.

"I'm sorry" she said instead.

Her mother looked surprised. She had expected a snarky remark.

"Oh well, everything's good."

Caroline nodded. She wanted her mother to care about her, for real. So she wasn't going to harass her, when Liz had for the first time made an effort to care. She should encourage the motherly behavior.

"Everything's good" Caroline confirmed.

Liz nodded. She didn't ask about the trip or if she wanted anything to eat (or drink) or anything else. She just nodded and left the room. Caroline sighed. Rome wasn't built in one day.

"Welcome home, Caroline" she mumbled to herself and then went to bed.

…

Stefan carried his bag to his room and then went down the kitchen. The house was filthy. Damon had never been the housekeeping type. Dust lay in corners, the windows were dirty and the whole house smelled like the door hadn't been open for a while.

"The lost brother returns" Damon sneered.

He sat on the counter top, drinking a glass of blood and looking pale.

"Hey."

They stared at each other for almost a minute. Stefan didn't know what he should do and apparently neither did Damon. In the end, Damon hopped of the counter and clapped Stefan on the back. Stefan snorted, grabbed his brother and hugged him. It was a stiff hug, very stiff.

"Enough with the bro love" Damon said, backing out of Stefan's grip.

Stefan shook his head at him.

"You haven't had time to clean?"

"Nope, been super busy."

"I bet."

And then they looked at each other for about a minute again. Stefan knew that Damon wanted to apologize, but that he didn't know how. It was like looking at a child trying to say its first word.

"I shouldn't have done it" he finally blurted out. "It was stupid."

"Are you saying that because it didn't work out or because you mean it?"

"Caroline told you?"  
>"Yeah, eventually."<p>

Damon cleared his throat.

"It was a bad idea" he said. "In every way."

"Okay."

Damon turned his back on him and went to pour himself more blood. Stefan watched him, feeling amused. There was something incredibly endearing in seeing Damon trying to find the right way to say "I'm sorry."

"You know what" Stefan said, smiling. "I forgive you."

"For what?" Damon huffed.

He passed his brother and left the kitchen. But Stefan could swear that he saw Damon looking relieved.

…

The first day of school wasn't really a real day. All Caroline had to was sign up, accept her new schedule and new locker. It took her about six minutes while Stefan waited in the car. After that, they drove to the park. It was already crowded with High School students. A huge banner read "SCHOOL'S BACK" painted in red letters. If Caroline had been in charge, she would have come up with something wittier, but it didn't really matter.

"Hey!" someone called

Bonnie. Caroline turned towards her. She had cut her hair short, really short, like to her chin. It suited her, made her look harder, more dangerous.

"I hoped you'd be back" she said, hugging Caroline.

Caroline hugged her back, feeling uneasy.

"Here I am" she said.

"Look, we need to talk" Bonnie mumbled. "I was out of line on the phone."

"Oh."

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay."

Caroline grinned half-heartedly. She wasn't mad at Bonnie, but this "let's be friends again" thing seemed fake. Or maybe it wasn't.

"Come and sit with us" Bonnie urged her. "We're over there."

Caroline nodded. Bonnie finally turned to Stefan.

"Hi" she said.

"Hi" he replied.

That was it.

"Let's eat" Bonnie said.

…

They all sat on a pale blue blanket. Jeremy was drinking coke and looking troubled. Matt and Tyler were playing cards for the last cupcake. And Elena. Caroline almost choked when she saw her. She was gorgeous. The sun had given her skin an olive tone and her hair blonde streaks. She wore a simple blue dress and sneakers. She laughed at something Jeremy said. The perfect girl next door. As she had always been.

"Look who I found" Bonne said.

They all looked up. Tyler looked only remotely interested, Matt looked pleased, Jeremy looked surprised. Elena's face lit up in a huge smile and she quickly got to her feet.

"I missed you" she said brightly.

Elena didn't look like she had been sulking all summer. She looked more beautiful than ever. Caroline stole a quick look at Stefan, his face didn't give away his feelings.

"Great, more food" Tyler said, winking at Caroline.

"Help yourself" she said awkwardly, putting down her basket.

She didn't feel like eating. She felt like throwing up.

"You have to tell us" Elena smiled. "Where have you been?"  
>Caroline tried to meet Stefan's eye, but he was handing out cups of apple juice.<p>

"Everywhere" he said in his usual calm voice.

"Be less specific" Elena laughed.

He smiled at her. Caroline swallowed hard.

"Small towns mostly" he explained. "And Nashville. And Dallas."

Caroline bit down hard on apple. The juice dripped down her chin. She wiped it off.

"Caroline, can you help with the music?" Bonnie asked.

…

The speakers were huge and the same ones that had been used on every prom and dance since Caroline was a kid. Bonnie adjusted a wire half-heartedly. Caroline knew there had been nothing wrong with the sound.

"Who arranged this?" Caroline asked absentmindedly.

She couldn't see Stefan from here. Maybe that was a good thing.

"Elena."

Caroline met Bonnie's eyes for a fraction of a second.

"Elena?"

"Yeah."

"Oh."

Caroline couldn't explain why this upset her. Perhaps because planning these things had always been her thing. Elena had everything else. She was a better student, prettier, had always had a boyfriend. But Caroline had been the crafty one, the one who came up with ideas and made people work for her.

"It's nice, right?" Bonnie asked.

"Sure."

"Look, Caroline. I know I was a bitch to you."

"Yeah, you were."

Bonnie scrunched up her face. Apparently she hadn't expected Caroline to say that.

"I had to take care of her. Elena was acting weird and Damon wasn't making her happy. I just wanted to make everything good again."

"Not really your job, Bonnie."

"No, I know. It used to be yours, but you left."

Caroline swallowed.

"She got you to turn against me. You and _my mother_. And I did nothing wrong. Nothing."

Bonnie closed her eyes for a second.

"I know."

"You acted like I betrayed you."

"I'm sorry."

Caroline nodded. She really wasn't that hurt anymore, but seeing Elena had made all the feeling come up the surface.

"You fell in love with him, didn't you?" Bonnie asked bluntly.

Caroline stared her feet.

"Yes."

"So, you kind of did betray Elena."

Something burned inside Caroline. Anger. Almost hatred against Bonnie in that moment.

"I don't think Elena should be the one to tell people who they can or can't date."

She stalked off, leaving Bonnie with the speakers. She spotted the gang on the blanket again. Jeremy was in on the card game now. Stefan and Elena were talking. No, more than that. They were speaking. She leaned in close, he mimicked her behavior. Her hand landed on his knee. Caroline swallowed hard. Suddenly it dawned on her. She wasn't in some fantasy world anymore. This was real. And in the real world, Stefan didn't love her. Not like he loved Elena.

"Hey, Caroline" a girl named Deena said. "Did Elena fix this thing up? It's so much better than last year!"

Caroline wanted to slap her.

…

She had been stupid. Naïve. How had she believed that she could compete with Elena? In anything. Elena was the pretty one. The smart one. The cute one. The witty one. The one who could save your life. It would make anyone love her. It had made Matt love her and Damon. And Stefan. But to Stefan it was more. She was the love of his life. Caroline knew it, maybe she had always known it. Denial, she had lived in denial for such a long time.

She couldn't really blame him either. If she had gone on the road trip with Matt, she probably would have ended up in bed with him eventually. And she would probably had enjoyed and believed it was real. Caroline and Stefan had been alone together for weeks. It wasn't strange that it fucked with your mind. She wished that her love for him had been a mind fuck too.

Caroline wanted to leave. She had been in Mystic Falls for about twelve hours and she wanted to leave. She had to leave. She lay down on her undone bed (staying in motels made you forget that you had to make them yourself). Her mind was spinning. Everything hurt.

…

"Why did you leave?" Matt asked.

His face was so familiar and kind that she wanted to hug him.

"I felt tired."

He tilted his head to one side to say that he didn't buy her bullshit.

"Why don't you make me coffee?" he suggested

She shrugged and let him in. They made their way to the kitchen. She turned on the coffee maker.

"You sounded happy on the phone" Matt said.

"Maybe it was a bad signal."

"Care, stop. Tell me why you have been crying."

She shook her head.

"I just want to sleep."

"Okay."

Matt turned the coffee maker off and took her hand. He led her up the stairs, got her into bed and covered her body with a quilt. Then he sat down on the bedside.

"It's him, isn't it?"

"Yes."

"What did he do?"

"Made me fall in love with him."

Matt stroked her cheek. She wanted to tell him how much she appreciated him, but she didn't have the energy.

"Does he love you back?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"He loves her. He might not realize it, but I do. I can try all I want, but he will always be hers."

She realized her eyes were wet. She sniffled.

"I'm sorry" Matt whispered.

He bent down and kissed her hair.

"Not your fault."

He smiled.

"No, not yours either."

She shook her head.

"Get some sleep" he told her.

"Okay."

But it was clear that she couldn't. Tears were streaming down her face. She couldn't stop them. Matt wiped them off with his sleeve.

"It will be okay" he whispered. "I promise."

He lay down on the bed, right next to her and held her. Caroline closed her eyes.

"Why does everything have to be so difficult?" she whispered.

"I don't know Care. I just don't know."

…

Bonnie and Elena waited for her at her locker. Bonnie wore a new top. If this had been last year, Caroline would have complimented her on it. But now, Caroline couldn't care less about clothes. She was exhausted and felt weak. All she wanted to do was go home and curl up in bed again.

"Why did you leave yesterday?" Bonnie asked.

Her voice was light, but Caroline heard the annoyance under the perkiness.

"I was tired."

"You just stalked off" Bonnie insisted. "You could have said good bye!"

"Hey, don't fight" Elena mumbled.

She put one arm around Bonnie's shoulders and one around Caroline's. Her arm was warm and real.

"We're all together again" Elena smiled. "Finally."

Caroline searched her face. No. There were no schemes or hidden agendas in Elena's eyes. She just wanted to be friends. Best friends. As if this summer never had happened.

"Yes" Bonnie exhaled.

Caroline didn't say anything. One part of her wanted to run home and cry. The other wanted to spend the whole day next to her friends. People who loved her. People who could disappoint her, but loved her all the same.

"You have to tell us about the trip" Elena begged. "Stefan was very secretive."

Stefan. Hearing his name in her voice made Caroline feel nauseas. _Stefan_.

"I wasn't a big deal. Nothing special happened" she smiled.

"Come on" Bonnie begged. "Something must have happened!"

Yes, the two of you treated me like crap and now we all forget that even happened.

"We have to get to class" Caroline said.

She didn't want talk about the trip. She didn't want to think about it. She didn't want to remember it.

…

Stefan waited in his car for her. He listened for her voice or her laugh. But he couldn't hear it. Was she skipping school? No, he finally saw her. First came Bonnie and Elena, giggling and listening to an iPod. Two feet after them came Caroline. She looked like shit. Or as much as shit as Caroline could look. Her hair was piled on top of her head, her clothes were wrinkled and she looked beat. She didn't look for a car or him so she didn't find him. He had to step out of the car and grab her. She jumped.

"Hey" he said. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you."

"She's been like that all day" Bonnie told him, nodding vigorously.

"Like what?" he asked.

"Like she's sleepwalking."

"Do you feel okay?" Elena asked Caroline.

Caroline put on a brave face and smiled.

"Yeah."

"Can I talk to you?" Stefan asked.

He felt Bonnie look hard at him. What had Caroline told her?

"Sure."

Stefan opened the door to the passenger seat and Caroline slid in. Her face was impassive.

"Call me" Elena called to her.

Stefan got in the car too, but he didn't drive off. He shut the door and turned to her. She looked away.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"I'm just tired."

She smelled different too. He leaned in a little further. Matt. She smelled like Matt. Her whole body smelled like him. Stefan felt himself retract from her.

"You smell like him" he said.

"Who?" she asked absentmindedly.

"Matt."

"Oh, yeah. He spent the night."

"Caroline, what's going on?"

She finally looked at him. She hadn't cried, she didn't even look sad. Just exhausted.

"I wish I had never asked you to come with me to Memphis" she said.

It felt like a slap.

"Why?" he asked.

"It fucked everything up."

"What is fucked up?"

She looked away from him again.

"Everything. You and me. Me and Bonnie and Elena. Me and my mom."

"I'm sorry, Care. I wish I could help."

"I know you do."

She put her hand on the handle and was about to open the door.

"Caroline, you saved me. I was depressed and you made me happy. Doesn't that make the trip worthwhile?"

"I'm happy for you" she said and he knew she was telling the truth.

Then she got out of the car and within seconds, she was gone,

…

Damon was in when Stefan got home. He wondered if his brother ever left the house anymore.

"Why are you looking so bothered?" Damon sneered.

"I could ask you the same thing."

"Don't."  
>"Fine."<p>

"So?"

"Caroline's mad at me."

"Is that so weird? You like spent months and months together. Maybe she's sick of you."

"Maybe."

Stefan poured himself a glass of water. He didn't understand what had changed. Yesterday, she had been in love with him and now she acted like he was making her miserable. Like everything had been a mistake.

"Why do even care?" Damon huffed. "I'm sure Elena wants you back.

"Don't go there."

Damon shrugged.

"She let Matt stay the night" Stefan murmured.

"And why do you care? They have history, right?"

Stefan exhaled loudly. Yes. That was true. And it made it worse. Why would Caroline do that to him? He didn't get it.

…

Caroline stepped out of the shower and shrieked. Damon sat on her bed, reading one of her old diaries. He looked very unembarrassed to see her naked.

"What are you doing?" she croaked, holding a pair of jeans in front of her.

"Calm down, honey. Nothing I haven't seen before."

"Whatever."

She dressed quickly as Damon snickered, still reading fifteen-year old Caroline's thoughts.

"What's up?" she asked.

"Nothing. Just wanted to catch up.

"I bet."

She snatched the diary from his hands and put it back in her shelf. He rolled his eyes.

"I don't know what you did to my brother, but he's not pissed at me."

"I didn't do anything."

"Yes, you did."

She shook her head.

"No, I didn't."

"He thinks you're mad at him."

Caroline snorted.

"What game are you playing, Damon? Since when do you care about me? Or your brother?"

"Ouch."

"Shut up."

She left her bedroom, but he followed her. She was thankful that her mother was working.

"I'm not stupid, Caroline" he sneered.

"Really? Could have fooled me."

"Quit the snarky attitude, Barbie. It doesn't suit you."

Caroline clamped her mouth shut. He was right. She didn't like herself when she was like this. But she didn't feel happy. At all.

"All I know" Damon drawled. "is that Stefan hated me and Elena. And then he goes away for a few weeks and when he comes home, he likes us again."

"He loves you" Caroline said. "The both of you."

"_What happened_?"

"Nothing. Nothing that matters."

Damon sighed. He shook his head at her.

"Did you sleep with Matt last night?"

"What? No!"

"Why not?"

"Why should I?"

Damon cocked his head. Caroline rolled her eyes.

"You're in love with him" Damon snorted.

Caroline shrugged.

"You are. Then why are treating him like shit?" he asked.

She wanted to slap him. Didn't he get it?

"Damon, you once tried to kill Jeremy. Do you remember?"

"Yeah."

"And Elena forgave you for that. But when you try to kill Matt, she dumps you. Doesn't that seem weird?"

"Are you implying that Elena loves Matt?"

"No. I'm just saying that Elena's reason for breaking up with you doesn't make sense."

"And your point is?"

"She will always love Stefan. And he will always love her."

Damon froze for a second. Caroline swallowed hard.

"We can fight it, you and me. But it doesn't change anything."

"I think he loves you" Damon whispered.

"He thinks he does too. But he doesn't. Not like he loves her."

Caroline wanted Damon to contradict her. To shout that she was lying. But he didn't. He just nodded.

"Yeah" he said.

"Yeah" she echoed.

He left.


	13. like a heartbeat that drives you mad

Stefan walked into the Mystic Grill some time after seven. He felt restless. Damon sat at the bar, drinking whisky. Matt was wearing his blue shirt, serving beers and food and smiling. Stefan wanted to punch him. Why did Caroline smell like him? What had she meant about him _spending _the night? In what way?

"Hey."

He turned. Elena stood in front of him. Her hair was up and the scent of her skin reached his nose before he could control himself. Sweet, without being sticky.

"Hey" he replied.

He saw that Damon gave a sharp jerk, probably hearing her voice. In that moment, Stefan hated Elena. He really did. She had ruined his already rocky relationship with his brother.

"You okay?" she asked.

He nodded.

"Yeah, sure."

She didn't believe him, he could tell. And she could also tell that she really cared. She never asked if she didn't want to know the answer.

"Is it weird to be back?" she asked.

He nodded again.

"Very."

She bit her lip. He remembered how it felt to kiss her.

"You haven't seen Caroline, have you?"he asked.

Her face changed just a fraction, but he caught it. Disappointment. What had she expected? That he would confess his love for her?

"No" she said.

"Okay. I'm going to look for her."

"I'll come with you."

Stefan shrugged.

"Okay."

…

"Are you mad at me?" Elena whispered.

Stefan felt like laughing out loud. It was so weird. He had sat in this car, millions of times, with Caroline. And now he was here with Elena.

"No" he said, composing himself. "Not really."

"I made a mistake."

Stefan didn't answer. He didn't have one.

"You're indifferent towards me" she whispered.

Stefan pulled over outside Caroline's house. He could see Liz in the kitchen, watching TV.

"I'm just worried about Caroline" he said.

Elena nodded and looked away. He could see tears in her eyes.

"I love you" she whispered.

Stefan didn't move. He didn't say anything. He just watched her face, the face he had longed for every night for a year. Those big, brown eyes. The small mouth. The cute nose. And he felt nothing.

"Say something" she hissed.

"I don't know what you want me to say" he confessed. "You can't honestly believe that nothing has happened? That nothing has changed?"

"I told you" she cried. "I made a mistake. I'm sorry."

"You destroyed me. And now, you've destroyed Damon."

He knew that is wasn't all her fault, but this was his first chance to blame her. For anything. Ever.

"I messed up."

"Yes."

She sobbed into her hands. It felt strange not comforting her. He had always done that, comforted her. Now, he just watched her cry.

"And you treated Caroline like crap."

"What?" Elena gasped.

"She did nothing wrong and still you and Bonnie and her mother tried to blame her."

"I just wanted you to come back!"

"Then you should have called me, not tormented her."

Elena stared at him. Her eyes were hard.

"Why do you suddenly care so much about _her_?"

"I've always cared about her, Elena."

She shook her head slowly.

"Not like this."

Her voice was soft now. And she leaned in and kissed his lips. They tasted like strawberry and salt water.

"I'll see you" she whispered and got out of the car.

He watched her leave.

…

She opened the door for him before he knocked. She knew she looked like shit, but she really didn't care. She didn't let him in, she didn't step outside. She just stared at him.

"Care, what's wrong?" he whispered.

Caroline tried to find words, something to say.

"I saw you" she croaked. "Just now."

"What?" he asked, looking confused.

"You and her."

"Caroline, what's up?"

"You kissed."

Her voice barely carried. Why was she so upset by this? She had known this would happen. She had always known, deep down.

"She kissed me" he said, still looking adorably nonplussed.

"Sure" Caroline said. "Okay. Fine."

She heard her mother shuffling around behind her in the kitchen. For the first time, it made her feel better. She could close the door in Stefan's face and her mother would still be inside.

"Caroline, please explain" he begged.

And could she ever say no to him.

"We're home" she told him simply. "The pretending and escaping reality is over."

"I don't understa…"

"It's not your fault or mine or even hers. It's just life, you know."

Stefan grabbed her arm.

"You're not making any sense."

"This is the moment when we say that this summer was fun. And we hug. And then you back to her."

Stefan let go of her arm. He suddenly looked older, even if that is impossible.

"I'm not going back to her."

Caroline tilted her head and smiled. It would be easier if he just left. Trying to be a gentleman only made it all worse.

"Caroline, I'm serious. I looked at her today and I felt nothing. For the first time. No love and no hate. Just nothing."

"Nothing?"

"Nothing."

Caroline finally stepped outside. Stefan stroked her cheek. She closed her eyes.

"It doesn't make sense" she whispered. "You loving me, it doesn't make sense."

She smiled bravely, because that was she did, she put on a brave face.

"Why not?"

"Because how can I compete with her?"

Stefan kissed light kisses along her face, her throat, her collarbone. She tried to keep her head straight.

"I love the way you moan in your sleep and the way you pout when you're hungry. I love the way that you devote yourself to things, like dances or road trips or whatever. And you see it through, you never do anything half-way" he whispered.

She leaned into him because he was warm and smelled nice and was telling her nice things.

"I love the way you looked in that expensive dress I bought you and I love you the way you look when you're too tired to shower."

She snorted.

"And above all that, God, I feel like I have said this so many times, but above all, you make me happy, Caroline. I have never been this happy in my life."

She met his eyes. He wasn't lying.

"It still doesn't make sense" she insisted.

"Love doesn't make sense, Care, that's the point."

He kissed her again and she kissed him back.

"I miss you" she whispered into his neck.

"Don't be cheesy" he told her.

She giggled. He kissed her again.

"I don't you to worry about Elena anymore."

"Okay."

"And I will try to not worry about Matt."

Caroline snorted again.

"Matt?"

"He spent the night."

She rolled her eyes.

"I cried on his shoulder, not very sexy."

Stefan's eyes suddenly became serious again.

"I don't want you to ever cry because of me."

"I can't promise that" she smiled faintly.

He nodded.

"I love you" he said.

She nodded.

"I know."

And even if it all felt like fairytale, he followed her upstairs and they watched a rerun of "Jersey Shore" and ate ice cream. And then, they kissed until she fell asleep.

…

"Can I talk to you?"

Caroline wanted to say no. She wanted to be happy. She _was _happy. She felt like singing and dancing.

"Sure" she said.

Elena opened the door to the ladies' room and they slipped in. The bathroom was empty. Caroline looked at herself in a mirror. She hadn't showered in a while and hadn't bothered using make up, but despite that, she felt pretty.

"I didn't realize that put you in a bad position" Elena began.

She too was looking the mirror. Her face was impeccable as always.

"Oh" Caroline mumbled.

"I know you were my friend and his friend, but it felt like a betrayal when you left with him."

"He had no one, Elena. You had me and Bonnie and Damon. He had no one."

She nodded.

"I know."

"I never meant to hurt you" Caroline told her.

"Me neither."

They stared at each other in the mirror. Best friends since forever. And now they stood on the brink. It could all end here.

"I was scared that you two would fall in love" Elena whispered.

"No, you weren't" Caroline smiled. "I can't believe that it ever crossed your mind that he might ever like me in that way."

"No, it's true" Elena insisted. "You always made him smile. I felt like the evil witch and you were like some fairy that always made him laugh."

"He would never have fallen in love with me if you hadn't broken his heart."

Elena nodded.

"I know. I screwed up."

They both fell silent. Was there anything else to say?

"Despite this" Elena began. "You're my friend, Caroline. And I won't mess you and Stefan up. Even if I could, which I doubt. I'll stay out of it."

Caroline searched her face. She found only honesty. Elena may have some bad trades, but she wasn't a liar.

"Thank you."

Elena nodded. Caroline smiled at her.

"So, you planned the picnic?" she asked.

Elena snorted.

"Yeah, it was hard work."

"Maybe we can plan prom together."

Elena hesitated for a few seconds and then she nodded.

"That would be fun."

…

Caroline slipped into his car. Stefan smiled at her. She looked happy. Like the Caroline he loved.

"How was school?" he asked,

"Great. I'm on the yearbook committee."

"Of course you are."

She pinched him. He could her and kissed her. She giggled into his mouth.

"What else happened today?" he asked, as he reversed out of the parking spot.

"I made up with Elena and we're going to plan prom. I'm thinking a 40's theme."

"You made up with her?" he asked, sounding amused.

"Yeah."

"That was quick."

"You're one to talk" she sneered.

He smiled.

"So, did you like braid each other hair and…"

"Shut up. She told me that she was sorry and that she wouldn't try and break up us up. And then I asked her if she wanted to be on the prom committee."

Stefan smiled. He loved Caroline. His whole body loved her. Because she was this person. She could be hurt and devastated and cry, but the next second, she was planning dances.

"Well, I'm glad you made up."

"Yeah, me too. What are we doing today?"

Stefan grinned. He had spent all day planning this, they're first real date.

"I called Matt earlier."

"Oh, I hope you were nice."  
>"I was."<p>

Caroline shook her head at him. She couldn't understand that Stefan could be jealous of her and Matt. She didn't understand how wonderful she was.

"Anyway, I asked Matt to do me a favor, so we're going to the Mystic Grill."

"Oh, fancy."

Stefan tickled her until she screamed.

…

The Mystic Grill was full of people, which wasn't that common at 4:30 PM. Matt was there, of course, working. Elena and Bonnie sat a small table, drinking cokes. Even Damon stood at the bar with Alaric, looking very out of place. Because the decorations had changed. Bright spotlights shone onto a small stage. On it stood a microphone and small screen. Huge speakers also crowded the restaurant.

"What's this?" she asked.

"Well, I asked Matt if he didn't think that Mystic Falls needed a karaoke night. And he agreed with me."

Caroline snorted.

"Have you forced everyone to come?" she asked.

"No, most of them wanted to see you sing."

"Me?"

"Yeah, you're the first one up."

Matt had gotten up on stage. He waved to her.

"Oh god" she croaked.

But delight rushed through her body.

"This is great" she whispered.

Stefan beamed.

"Good" he said. "Now, I've already picked a song for you. You probably know which one."

She went up on stage. Matt introduced karaoke night and her and then gave her a microphone. The music began playing. It was Songbird. She met Stefan's eyes. He looked pleased. Everything was perfect. And she began to sing.

…

**Epilogue **

Elena stepped onto the platform. Her hair was loose and wavy. Caroline had helped her curl it.

_"Dear fellow graduates, faculty members and parents. We're finally here."_

Caroline exhaled. It would be fine. Elena had prepared this speech for months and months. Maybe even for years. The whole school, no, the whole town had always known that she would be one to do this.

_"This is perhaps the last time you will see us all together, as a group"_ she continued.

Caroline searched the crowd for someone she recognized. Bonnie's dad was there, filming it all with a huge video camera. She grabbed Bonnie's hand and squeezed. Bonnie squeezed back. Her hand was hot and sweaty, she was probably nervous about more than Elena's speech.

_"After today, we will our roads will part" _Elena went on.

Caroline searched the crowd again. She met Damon's blue eyes. She giggled. He stood far away and if she didn't have vampire vision, she wouldn't have been able to spot him. He was here. She knew that he hadn't come for her, but it still moved her. She wanted to run off the stage and hug him and whispers that nothing was impossible. Nothing. That she had been wrong last summer, he should fight. If he tried, he could get Elena. But he would have to hurry. She was leaving for Penn State_ in the fall._

_"This town and this school have taught me many things. I has taught me to count and to read and write. But it has also taught me respect and about love. Maybe those weren't real subjects in real classes, but I learned them anyway"_ Elena said.

Caroline tilted her head to one side. It was hot. No offence to Elena, but she was getting antsy.

_"And if we learnt this in High School, I can only imagine what college has in store for us_" Elena concluded.

Everyone applauded. Caroline met Damon's eye again. She winked and stuck out her tongue. He rolled his eyes at her.

"Anderson, Emma" the principle read from his list.

Emma, a lacrosse player with ginger hair, stepped onto platform, got her diploma and got down. Her mother cried.

"Bennett, Bonnie."

Bonnie squeezed Caroline's hand again before getting up. Her father shouted something mildly embarrassing. She blushed.

"Donovan, Matt."

Matt was probably the only one who could pull off that hideous blue hat. He had the perfect golden boy look. Caroline whistled as he received his diploma.

And then it was her turn.

"Forbes, Caroline."

…

Her father hugged her first. He smelled like after shave and sweat.

"Congratulations, babe" he said.

"Thanks."

He had bought her car, which was very nice of him. It would come in handy when she moved to Sarah Lawrence in the fall. It was in New York and kind of far away and her father called it weird. But Caroline had driven there in October and loved it. Everything about it. It felt right, even if it wasn't in a small southern town. It was a seven hour drive home, that was far, but then again Caroline had developed a special love for road tripping. Elena would be two hours away, in Pennsylvania. Bonnie would be further away, she was taking a year off to work at a homeless shelter in Washington DC.

"Congratulations" her mother said.

She had bought Caroline a plane ticket, to Italy. Because this summer would be even better than the one before, or at least, that was the plan. Her mother had bought the ticket, but Caroline was paying for the rest herself. She had gotten a scholarship for school and worked weekends at the Mystic Grill. As entertainment. She would sing for drunk people and hungry people and people in love. She loved it. She only earned what people tipped her, but she never went home empty handed.

"You did it" Stefan said.

She hugged him. He kissed her forehead. It had been his idea to go to Italy. They would rent a car and drive around, visit Rome and Venice and Sorrento. Stefan was going back to school, well, to community college in upstate New York. He was going to study Italian. He would be about 23 minutes from Caroline. She could live with that.

"Let's go home and eat" her mother said.

And they did.

...

The airplane landed on Italian soil at ten in the morning. Caroline woke up and opened her window. The sun was blazing and sky was pale blue. They were there. Two months in Italy. Two months to kiss and fight and make up and be together.

"I brought road trip music" Stefan told her.

"You did?" she asked, proudly.

He was such a quick learner.

"Yes, my favorite album of all time."

"I bet it's _Poison_."

He rolled his eyes, opened his bag and pulled out a CD. She studied it carefully. It was The White Stripes. She had never really listened to them.

"Fine" she said. "It will do."

He snorted.

"Do we need rules?" he asked. "More stuff we have to do before the summer is over?"

She nodded.

"Yes, of course. I think we must make out inside a church. Or even better, the Vatican."

Stefan laughed.

"Anything else?" he asked.

"Well, we totally forgot about speed dating last summer…"

He kissed her. His lips were soft on hers. How could he smell so good after a eight hour flight?

"I think I'll pass on that" he whispered.

"Why?" she giggled.

"I'd rather just be with you."

And then, the seat belt signs switched off and everyone got up. Stefan took them their bags from the overhead compartment and they left the plane. Outside the airport waited a blue Ford, but that is a completely different story.

* * *

><p><em>Thank you again for all the reviews and comments! You're all wonderful, wonderful people!<em>


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